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Monday, June 18, 2007

Meeting Crap

There's a new wind blowin' like I've never known
I'm breathin' deeper than I've ever done
And it sure feels good to finally feel the way I do

Crap List

1. Meetings
I’m at the point now where I believe scheduled weekly/monthly meetings are just so some person can hear the sound of their own voice for two hours or more. I love it when we come to an incredibly simple problem and we end up reliving it three different times as people ask stupid questions and rehash worthless details.

It’s like being stuck in a roundabout where the problem just keeps coming around and around. Just when the topic seems to come to a close some ooberly old man brings up another, “non-problem” and it’s back to the stupid circle.

Old Man: I’d like to point out one problem. It seems that one of the teams ended early and I wasn’t finished with grilling their hamburgers for lunch. They had to wait couple minutes. Next year we should see to it that we finish two minutes later so we can be ready to serve the burgers on time.

And then we start back over with the whole routine again.

My solution: let the two minute overachievers wait for their damn food. If it takes too long then they can blow me.

Luckily I’ve been able to chair a couple of these meetings and I make it a point to keep things with the pulse of the meeting members. If no one says anything or contributes, we move on. For a meeting that usually lasts 2 hours, we were done in 80 minutes.

I’m no hero, oh no.
I just don’t believe in wasting time.

2. That new Maroon 5 song
I remember watching the documentary, “The History of Rock and Roll” (great documentary) and listening to the disco era and how it was like a sickness that infested the world of popular music. There were all these interviews about how terrible it was and how it was one of the worst eras of music. Disco was constantly being bashed left and right and no one had anything good to say about it.

I explicitly remember one interview with Tom Petty. Now usually when Petty is interviewed he’ll have a slow, monotone drawl as he’s sitting back with a slight grin on his face. Basically it looks like he’s been ‘rockin the ganja’ all weekend. This particular interview, after being asked about the disco era, Petty is noticeably agitated as he tries to look back on the late 70’s. I can’t quote him word for word but I remember him saying something about how he tried to create something that would destroy disco music forever because he hated it so much. He seemed so incredibly passionate towards the cause too.

After hearing that new Maroon 5 song I’m having daydreams where Tom Petty comes to a Maroon 5 concert and, in the name of Rock, blasts the members of Maroon 5 with some sort of laser that emits from his guitar neck with each power cord he uses. Then with help of the rest of the surviving members of the Traveling Wilburys, they embark on destroying all this neodisco crap that is out there.

This Maroon 5 song is so horrible. It’s quite possibly the worst song I have heard since “The Remedy” by Jason Mraz (and My Humps is bad too but at least it’s quite sexy when a woman lip synchs it). I think it has already entered the category where the Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week” resides--(why that song was even created is beyond me).

This is exactly why 14 year old girls shouldn’t be allowed to watch MTV or listen to the radio because obviously their hearing hasn’t grown in yet. Or it could be that the most popular girl in the whole world likes this song and all the rest of the girls try to ‘fit in’ by pretending to like it and thus, encouraging more bands to play more neodisco. That one super popular girl probably affects like 5 million subsidiary girls and they all drink the ‘Cool Girl Kool Aid.

I can only imagine that the engineer for this song is either deaf or locked in his room like Howard Hughes. The thought of being stuck in that control room, listening to that annoying beat 1500 times, and that falsetto voice. It just sounds like a horror movie.

1 comment:

Chungsiew O said...
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