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Thursday, June 28, 2007

Movie Bits

You don't like crazy music.
You don't like rockin' bands.
You just wanna go to a movie show,
And sit there holdin' hands.
You're so square.
Baby, I don't care.

-This is my Kevin Garnett trade scenario

Minnesota trades Kevin Garnett
Minnesota receives…who gives a rats ass

Lets just trade the Timberwolves for the Marlins farm system.

-I can’t remember the last movie I’ve seen without looking up the reviews on As a rule of thumb for me, if a movie is below 70%, I probably wont watch it. Anything over 80% is a movie that I will drop everything and see right then and there.

I saw Evan Almighty and I liked it. I thought it was funny, I empathised with Evan, Catherine Bell was in it briefly, and there was at least one good ass. First of all Catherine Bell--what happened to her? Why is she not on more shows and movies? She’s in my top five for god sakes. Then the ass--Evan’s wife as an ass that looks good in jeans. That automatically raises the movie up a full point/notch/star.

I figured Steve Carell was in it and how could he possibly screw it up. I mean right now the guy could be a celebrity priest and run church for a weekend and it would be money and god would like it too. It would be funny but also guilt ridden too.

The movie had some environmental/save the trees themes to it which I like (but I'm sure others don't) and I thought it was worth the money.

Tomatoes didn't though, rating it 22%.

Best line of the movie was…

“We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” bwahahahaha I never thought the Jaws quote could ever be so funny.

-The big three movies that this summer was based off of was Spiderman 3, Shrek 3, and Pirates 3. Here’s my rundown of each.

Spiderman3: basically just a wuss swinging around town. Does nothing for me.
Shrek 3: First two were good but I can’t see myself going to a theatre and seeing it.
Pirates 3: eh Keith Richards is cool but I cant ever seem to pay attention to any of these movies.

Instead, my big three are just coming out now.

-Die Hard 4
I’ve always been a Die Hard fan even though these movies have Jerry Bruckheimer written all over them and I typically don’t care for action movies. The Die Hard collection has been a favorite of mine from the awesomeness of Die Hard 3 to the ridiculousness of Die Hard 2 (where the entire German army was against him pretty much. Tangent: John McLane vs. John Rambo in Rambo III who wins? )
All the reviews for this have been awesome--3 out of four stars or better.

I’m still worried about the whole Michael Bay thing and his use of needless love stories. I can just see him putting in some love story with Optimus Prime and--ugh--Cameron Diaz or some shit like that.

-Simpsons Movie
This was the movie that everyone was talking about last year and then it there was nothing. I remember the Xmen 3 dvd made it a point to include a Simpsons trailer in their movie and that was is.
I must say that this movie is just a little more than a curiosity for me since I haven’t really followed the Simpsons in…awhile. In fact I don’t think I’ve seen one episode in over 6 months which is crazy and I have the first 8 seasons on dvd.

-I just bought Black Snake Moan and I still believe that it’s the best movies of the year. The case says that it was a great performance by Justin Timberlake but all he had to do was have sex with Christina Ricci.

Hell, I could’ve done that.

1 comment:

Orbitron19 said...

I'm ashamed to admit it, but that's the exact same thing I thought about Steve Carrell's wife in the movie--it's like they did a focus group to figure out how to keep the men watching: "Let's give his wife a GREAT ass in jeans!"