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Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Library Computers-Don't Use

So touch my tears with your lips,
Touch my world with your fingertips,

And another thing about the NBA and gambling... the friggen all star game was in Las Vegas last year. I mean gambling...Las Vegas? Whatever

Crap List

1. Not having my computer
This last 10 days have been just strange. I tend to be the type of person that has my selection of message boards and blogs that I like to read on a regular basis. I’m borderline addicted and I’m still pissed that the geek squad waited all last weekend to send in my laptop.

Since turning in my laptop I’ve resolved to using work computers and library computers.

Public Service Announcement from Boof: DON’T USE LIBRARY COMPUTERS.

Let me explain…

So today after the gym I head on over to the library to check out some movies and check my email. I found that there were a couple computers open so I took advantage and pounce on that mother right away. So I sign up and pull the chair out when I glance at the guy next to me.

The guy next to me was a mid to early twenty something whose clothing looked like it with either laundry day or time to find a job. He had a two week shadow going and was the kind of guy that makes you clench to your children a little tighter when you see him walking in the neighborhood.

Anyway I suspected something right away when his monitor was tilted heavily to the side and an arm extending to….you know. I stood there wide eyed and made note of the 3 librarians within 20 feet of me, the ten or so kids literally running around, and the mother and daughter looking up something at the computer right across from where he was going at it.

I wanted to do the “DING, DING, DING, THIS GUY IS WHACKING OFF” but….the kids-I was thinking about the kids.

So when he was done (bleh) I went up to the librarian and sidled up next to him.

Boof whispering: So that guy that just left…
Librarian: yeah?
Boof: he was whacking off there.
L: *sigh* ugh yeah I thought so
Boof: so… disinfectant wipes?
L: huh?
Boof: the guy just whacked one off!
L: I’m not touching that.

Just then another woman stepped onto that computer.
I nearly threw up…

I heard about this kind of stuff on Dateline in Philadelphia but not in North St. Paul.
I mean IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!!!!!!! The computer was 15 feet away from the front desk!!!

Good lord I need my computer back.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Who's More "Now"?

Stand beside her, and guide her
Thru the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans, white with foam

I know I’m about 4 weeks late on these subjects but I just wanted to give my five cents on the subjects.

Basically the question is: Who’s more “Now” between Michael Vick and Tim Donaghy?

Lets explore this question more closely

Michael Vick is more “Now” because…
Because how the hell does one get involved into dog fighting? I mean there’s being a gambleholic where you bet $2000 on war and then there’s betting on every horse in the race at the track but… dogfighting? Apparently he hasn’t see The Dog Whisperer and some of those cool dogs.

Sometimes I wonder if I was a hugely popular athlete I’d
1. Hire a driver so I can get drunk everywhere I go and have a ride home
2. don’t get involved into dogfighting
3. stay away from the mafia
4. don’t rape anyone
5. and don’t use drugs

Why is that so god damn hard? No one cares if Nick Punto or someone stupid is “rockin the ganja” but Michael Vick is a different story.
Couldn’t he just bet on everything and have massive cocaine buffet parties like some of the other athletes?

Why is Tim Donaghy more more now?
Wait a minute…the NBA is rigged? NAAAAAWWWWW? You mean when Shaquille O’Neal can tap dance ‘This Land is Your Land’ underneath the basketball hoop and not get called for traveling it might be a red flag? You mean in a sport that repeatedly has “phantom calls” and “make up calls” there’s the possibility it could be rigged?
When nearly all the player flop around and jump in the air all retarded because they know they’ll a foul is automatically going to be called…the calls could be subjective?

I pretty much stopped watching the NBA after the T-wolves run three years ago because during that playoff run, it was painfully obvious the league was trying not to have the T-wolves in the finals.
Not to mention that the there was a span of 14 years in the last couple decades where one of the top 5 markets was represented in the finals.

Next you’re going to tell me that superstars get preferential treatment!

I’d say Donaghy is more “now”.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Me and My Grandmas

All I ask is if she's with you
please keep her warm and safe
and if it's in your power
please purge the memory of this place.

My mom now hates me but I’m alright with that. This last weekend we had our annual family get-together and bowed out of it because of my trip to New York. When I told my mom I wasn’t going along, she was noticeably pissed.
I keep bitching about these family get-togethers but they never end up being even close as bad as I whine about them. The reality for me though is since we decided to have huge family reunions every 2 years, I only feel the need to go every 2 years. I mean if I’m going to Iowa, I might as well make sure I see everyone instead of only a fraction of everyone.
Also my relationship with grandmothers has always been a bit weird. My grandma in Wisconsin and I understand the distance we have and we hug, we talk about things, and that’s about it. It’s nice because it’s a general understanding between two people.

I think this scenario explains it perfectly,
I was living with my cousin for a period of time because we were both going to the U of M. Our Grandma was two different people to me and my cousin because while he grew up with her being a block away, I only met her maybe ten times in my life.
She called up my cousin one day and after about a half hour of my cousin talking to her on the phone…
Cousin: So do you want to talk to Tom?
I was then giving my cousin a frown and shaking my head like it wasn’t necessary.
Cousin: okay, well have a good night then. Bye

Haha it was as if my grandma did the same thing I did. Not that I don’t love my grandma—because I do—but it would’ve been a very awkward dumb conversation

Boof: Hi Grandma
Gma: Hi how are you
Boof: I’m good and school is going well too
Gma: What?
Gma: oh, that’s nice
Boof: What?
Gma: I SAID…nevermind have a good night!
Boof: What did you say?
Hangs up

Then the grandma that lives in Iowa still has a bit of a grudge against me because me and my brother were complete bastard asshole kids that she had to deal with. Our parents would send me and my bro to the farm for a week so they didn’t have to deal with us and my bro and I would fight at least 3 times in that week. My grandma and grandpa were always pissed and told my mom that we were never allowed there again…because we were such a handful. Basically I was lazy and wanted to watch their satellite dish all day and my bro would continuously drive their 3-wheeler in the ditch.
If we stayed there for a month the farm would probably be on fire.

So my grandma forbids giving me hugs and insists on giving me handshakes.
And I’m alright with that. I love them both and I don’t depend on hugs to show it.

So with that being said I look forward to seeing everyone next year…and two years after that.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Periodical Crap

They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

First thing is first, New York rocked the god damn house off. My 20 hour trek was indeed a blur and I got to see everything that I wanted to see. I have about 2 huge posts worth of pictures but I can’t post them until Geek Squad is finished looking at the porn on my computer.

Stay tuned.

Crap List

1. My bro
I’m extremely anal when it comes to getting to the airport. One of my worst fears is missing a flight and having $150 down the drain so I need *need* to be to the airport early.
I asked my dad to take me to the airport since I’ve taken him numerous times at all the weird hours of the day. Dad’s not home at all.
I ask my bro and he said he’d take me. Great.

Later that night (the night before I needed to get to the airport at 4am) my bro calls me and asks if our dad can take us to the airport instead since he’s tipping a couple back.
Cool except we have no idea where the hell he is. It’s 10:30pm and he’s nowhere to be found.

I then ask my mom, my mom who currently doesn’t have a job and doesn’t have a need to wake up early for anything,

Boof: Mom, can you please take me to the airport? Dad and (my bro) have to wake up early and you don’t have anything going on tomorrow.
Mom: Well, we’ll wait until your dad gets home. He should be coming anytime now.
Boof: Please, can you take me tomorrow?
Mom: well…no. I don’t want to.

So my bro ends up taking me since my dad was out until 1am (for the first time in 25 years) and my mom is just frustrating.

4:30am hits and he’s nowhere. No problem I’ll give him a couple mintues.
4:45 hits and I call him
Boof: Where the hell are ya?
T sounding groggy as if he just woke up: uh yeah. Just let me put some clothes on and I’ll be right there.

Just putting on some clothes? Did he not set his alarm? When I want to get picked up at 4:30 I would hope he’d be at my place at 4:30. arrrgh!

5am hits and I’m pacing and swearing profusely in our garage
“Where the FUCK is he? What the hell? Is it so hard to pick someone up and take them to the airport? I should’ve taken myself god dammit.”

I get a call from him,
T: uh yeah I can’t get my car started
Boof: What the hell is wrong with it?
T: The engine isn’t turning.
Boof: Well, go steal Dad’s truck or something! I gotta get to the airport!

Finally he comes at like 5:30 and I’m pissed but I made my flight with plenty of time to spare since I only had my camera for luggage.

So, all was well and I just got a little angry is all.
Hahaha whoops.

Thursday, July 19, 2007


my computer is broke as hell--apparently hitting it numerous times is bad for it--anyway sporatic posting for a week or so.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Reason 114...

But in the town, it was well known
When they got home at night, their fat and
Psychopathic wives would thrash them
Within inches of their lives.

...that a pitcher's W-L total doesn't mean anything,

Matt Garza

4 games
2 starts
19.1 innings pitched
0.00 ERA

and he has a record of 1-1 (for those out there that are not getting it: A pitcher that does not give up a run but still has a loss is crazy weird)


Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Fed to the Alligators

No doubt, no pain
Come ever again, well
Let there be light in this lifetime
In the cool, silent moments of the nighttime

I’ve been helplessly addicted to Mythbusters lately. The show is fascinating and the two hosts are so hilarious on a subtle level that I get myself rip-roarin’ every time I watch it. Jamie is great being the dignified father-type figure and Adam is just damn hilarious in a clownish kinda way. Then Carrie, oh she’s hot as hell with that fake red dyed hair and that rack…ooh.

Anyway this particular episode of Mythbusters they were testing the myth about being buried alive. They went to a place where you buy caskets (mortuary?) and found one made of steel. They then rigged up a 10x10 plexiglass box, placed the casket in (with Jamie inside it to test how long the oxygen would last), and began filling it with dirt. As it turns out the casket was beginning to buckle with the weight of the dirt and they had to stop. Jamie even said that dirt was starting to come inside the casket

This set a bit of a frown on my face. If one buys a casket with all this beautiful silky white material on the inside, made of steel, and which had a god damn bedspring for chrissakes you’d think…hmmm *thinks* well, I find a lot wrong with all that stuff.

When it comes to the conversation of death we all have our strong opinions in that regard. I remember this date I had where I accidentally stumbled on the subject of euthanasia.

Boof: So if your sister was Terry Schievo what would you do?
Date: I would keep her alive as long as possible of course. How bout you?
Boof: I’d pull that plug…of course.

We both had these incredulous frowns on our face until we both blurted out simultaneously,

“You’d pull the plug?!”
“You’d keep her alive?!”

“What the hell?!”

And needless to say it was done from there.
(Boof’s dating tips: never talk about euthanasia on the first date)

For me when it comes to death I kinda think it’s a bit selfish to reserve a plot of land and call it yours for eternity. I mean with all the generations to come and all those baby boomers screwing everything up I think cremation is the way to go. It bugs me the idea that all this money gets dedicated to someone who is dead and it seems like a heathcare deal in that the funural industry just tries to absorb as much money as they can. A casket for $3000? I’d rather have someone make an old fashioned horror film wooden one made of plywood if I’m going to have one.

When I heard that caskets come with a bed spring mattress I nearly shat myself. Why on earth does a dead body need a bed spring? I mean…

it’s dead!

Then, to take things further, what’s with the silken white linings and steel casket? I mean, again, it’s a dead body so is it supposed to be nice for the afterlife or something? It just seems like a total waste of money. I know it’s for dignity and a welcoming to the afterlife and all that crap but…it’s a waste. Why not take those silk sheets and have them used for…the living?

Then the fact that the steel casket buckled and even leaked dirt inside seems like the whole casket industry is just a big farce. You’d think that a steel casket would be able to withstand that amount of dirt and with all that pretty white silky crap that it wouldn’t leak. At least put a seal and some ingenuity in it. Good lord if you’re trying to sell comfort and respectability at least make it so it doesn’t leak dirt over the body.

I’ve thought about how I would like to be buried for awhile (and no, I don’t intend on dying anytime soon but it’s something to think about when you’re getting your oil changed) and I’ve thought for years I would be cremated. I would hate to have a ton of resources being dedicated to my dead ass so burial, again, seems selfish. The more I think about it, cremation sounds a bit selfish too because I wouldn’t want any money to go toward an oven to incinerate myself.

Then I thought, what else could I do?

Then I remembered those hungry alligators in Florida. I could simply have someone dump my dead carcass into some Florida swamp and have it devoured by hungry alligators. It would leave no mess and it would feed the animals. No money towards any stupid caskets or kilns.
I could also be thrown in a pen of wild hogs too because I’ve heard that they devour everything too. Hey, why not.

Hell they saw off my upper torso, stuff it, and use it as an awesome gag for someone’s cabin. I would totally approve of it! Maybe send my ass to the Green Bay Packers and tell them to kiss it or something. (Actually sending my ass to a team named the Packers seems very uncomfortable…so never mind)

Perhaps I could donate my body to some super stressed out kid so they can take their aggression out on my carcass? I could be a stress carcass or something.

Why would I even think about doing something so disrespectful? Because it’s just a dead carcass. What’s the difference between having an army of maggots devouring myself inside an expensive casket compared to hungry alligators or stressed out kids or hungry pigs doing the same thing?

I think actually donating my body to some anatomy class would be the way to go. Then I could donate myself to science and brag to all the others in the afterlife. Maybe the class hottie will be so infatuated with my formaldehyded good looks and make out with me, my dead lifeless self. Eh, never mind that’s not really a fantasy.

I like the alligator idea though.

Monday, July 16, 2007

756 Crap

There's a token of my openness.
Of my need to not disappear.
How I'm feeling, so revealing to me.
I found my mind too clear.

Crap List

1. “so and so” not attending Barry Bonds’ record breaking home run.

The question is: Should Bud Selig, the MLB commissioner, be there when Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron’s home run record? This last week during the all star game (the utterly boring and worthless all star game) this was the major point of discussion. Selig still doesn’t know if he’ll be there for that moment and everyone is up in arms about it.

Bud Selig has, and always will be, one of the people I’ve despise the most. It could be his introduction to interleague play, the wild card is still debatable, and he tried to contract my favorite team. He tried to wipe away the Minnesota Twins from playing baseball despite the cheap ass owner, the terrible stadium, and that his team (Milwaukee Brewers) would’ve benefited the most from such a idea.

I don’t like Bud Selig. I hate hearing his voice and I hate that he replaced a genuine guy like Faye Vincent because the owners wanted a puppet instead of a guy who was objective on things.

However with this big question, I actually understand if Selig doesn’t attend. Think about it for a second, Bonds is at 755 home runs and he could hit one at any time. Of course with every pitcher not wanting to be “that guy” and managers simply wanting to preserve a lead (or not give one up), and pitchers simply not giving him anything to hit it could seriously take a month before he hits another home run.

…and everyone wants the commissioner to sit there at every Giants game for an entire month (or however long it takes)?

I can only imagine that I would be completely annoyed and pissed off after the first game.

Baseball announcer: and now the Man of the Hour, Barry Bonds, is up. It looks like they’re going to walk him.

And that’s only the 2nd game let alone the 20th.

Now as for Hank Aaron himself not being there? I don’t blame this guy one damn bit because if Hank Aaron played now--with the ballparks being as ridiculously small as they are and as roided up half the players are, and with the way hitters get all the breaks--he would’ve had another 100 homers in this day and age.

Even if Hank Aaron went to one of the games I can almost hear him muttering under his breath,
“I hope you swing so your head explodes and then you die. I hope you do that nice and good”

All that with the HD video camera honed on him.

2. Rock of Love
This is the white and rock equivalent to Flava of Love and it features a bunch of Milfs, skanks, hotties, and groupies in tight leather.

Bret Michaels (from Poison) is hosting and he looks skankier than some of those skanks. His eyes look bloodshot and as if he’s been around the block a few million times.

Eh, I’ll still watch.

Friday, July 13, 2007

The Cathartic Good Guy

And the days, they linger on
And every night, what I'm waiting for
Is the real possibility I may meet you in my dream

Recently it’s just dawned on me how I have a severe lack of baggage. I’ve always thought that I’ve been an average person who’s lived with an average family in an average suburb. Lately with the people I’ve talked to and nearly everyone I’ve dated has not had any of this and it just amazes me. I thought this was the stuff that only happens on Loveline.

Just a little background, I’ve always been described as straight and narrow. I’ve barely done drugs, I drink occasionally, and I’ve never put a cigarette in my mouth in my life. Just to add to things, I‘ve never had that weird uncle or been checked for pork and beans by weird old guys. I don’t cry if people yell at me and I don’t believe everyone is going to hell.

I’m starting to believe that I’m in the minority and that Ned Flanders and I might get along to some extent.

Then I start to actually thank my parents a bit for being as resilient as they are because they’ve managed to stay together for nearly 35 years. Now don’t let that fool you because I think I’ve seen my mom and dad kiss like twice in my life and I can’t remember anytime that my they’ve actually been affectionate to each other. I mean they haven’t had the best relationship but they’ve never been resorted in beating each other up and being stupid about things.

Also the more I think about it, the more my mom is to credit for the person I am. See, my mom is the most frustrating person I’ve ever had to deal with. I’m quite serious about that and I would certainly tell her that if she asked however, it’s because of her frustrating persona that has allowed me to not bust a nut every time something wrong happens in my life. I mean when you mom throws away your bin of lifelong valuables and replaces it with what she thinks should be in there, that can be quite frustrating.

What I really can’t stand about all this is the subtle jabs and slight criticisms that come my way for how straight and narrow I am. I mean heaven forbid that I don’t have a severe need/curiosity to rock the ganja and that I should do it because “everyone else does it”. How dare I never have that urge to get shit faced every night because I can deal with my problems being sober. How much of a goody-goody am I for not ever wanting to put a burning stick in my mouth because “it looks cool”. I mean good lord, I’m sorry I’m not a bad boy and haven’t had the curiosity of what weed will do while listening to Pink Floyd.

I mean it’s not that all that stuff is bad so I don’t do it, it’s that it just doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. Why should I smoke when it’s banned everywhere and costs $5 a pack only to get addicted? Why should I get drunk when I feel depressed and pathetic when I do so? Why should I toke up when I feel similar when I stay awake until 5am

That’s not to say I don’t have my own vices because I do it’s just that they’re not really much of anything (being an ‘assman’, chewing my nails, twins baseball, ect). It’s just frustrating when people put you down for having a little common sense in your life.

“I bet you call your mother everyday eh?” someone trying to be cute says.

No, I don’t. In fact my mom will tell you that I’m an ungrateful snot and I will even confirm that because I am an ungrateful snot. Just because I don’t fall into peer pressure shouldn’t mean that I fit the entire bill of being a goody goody and be chastised for it.

Ugh… rant over

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Pillow-like Bits

I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
I've want to break free

-My mom was really giving me the business about my sudden trip to Chicago. Basically the whole idea of that trip just blows her mind. She just can’t understand why I would just up and go to Chicago and do it alone.

Mom: why would you do that?
Boof: because I wanted to.
Mom: Well I know but… geez. I bet your cousin would’ve liked to go
Boof: ah…I’m not inviting my cousin.
Mom: but…you went by yourself

I should’ve never even brought it up to my mom.

My dad walks in…
Mom: did you hear what your boy did this weekend?
Dad: ah…went to the Twins game?
Mom: How did you know?

The weird thing is that I never even told my dad this or any sort of inkling that I went to Chicago.

Dad: well, I know he loves the Twins so…why wouldn’t he go?
Mom: He went by himself though
Dad: yeah? So…?

I know it’s tough for people to believe but a I do like and need more “me” time than most people.

I mean if I have a day of meeting a crap load of people, I will absolutely have to get away at some point and just hang out somewhere by myself and read the paper or just relax. This is sort of what this trip was about.

I mean I can drive a car without having the urge to talk to someone.
I don’t need to talk to people if I have nothing to say to them.
I can be social but don’t feel a need to be everyday.

-One of the blogs that I visit regularly has a feature where the author can text in little blurbs as they go about their everyday life. These blurbs are usually along the lines of,
“This coffee is too hot, hope everyone has a good day! =)” and shit like that.

If I had the know-how/desire for this….wow. If you thought my entries were complete nonsensical babble now, imagine what texting would do?

I remember the first text I ever made. I sent it to Hog and wrote “I am taking a dump right now” and luckily Hog was in a car full of people (or something like that) so he had to show everyone what I wrote.

I know I would have a couple texts with stuff like that and maybe me describing the gunts that I see out in public.

“round, pillow-like and plump”

That could be mind boggling.

-As I was getting gas last weekend when I got home from Chicago a couple in a white bronco pulled up next to me. There was a man and woman who looked in their early 30’s and the vehicle had plates from Texas. I walked up and the woman had an infant sleeping soundly on her gunt. The guy looked like he lost his trailer carrying the Tilt-A-Whirl.

Guy: Excuse me sir, do you know where the dollar store is?
Boof: ah.. Not really (see, I think I knew where it was but it would’ve been hell trying to give them directions or maybe I was just lazy)
Guy: hmmm dang. Well do you know where we might be able to find a room around here?
Boof; yeah, just a block away over there.
Guy: Yeah, haha we checked there. That’s more than we’d like to spend--
Woman: --yeah for a month hush-hush

This hotel wasn’t anything terribly special and it was pretty much what is around here. For a month though? We’re not talking about the Ritz but dang.

Guy: anything cheaper around here? Is there an RV park anywhere around?

At that point I was thinking Anoka/Crapids but I wasn’t going to lead them there. So I just directed them to the Walmart parking lot.

-Christ, there’s too many people that have a ton of baggage.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Boof in Chicago

Oh I am young but I have a past
Traveled far to find the start

you’re so damn scared and I've been burnt

But life's too short

Last Friday

Phone rings….

Roommate: Hey you, I need a favor.

Boof: uh okay
RM: I need you to get a crap load of ice for me because I’m having this huge party that’s going to last all weekend
Boof: cool. Alright I’ll get some ice.

Hangs up…

I gotta get out of here was my first thought. Nothing against my roommate or anything but I just was not in a party mood and with it being hotter than hell this weekend I thought about my options. Plus, partying with a bunch of old people for an entire weekend wasn't up my ally.

At this point the Twins were in their 2nd game against the White Sox and beating the ever living piss out of them. Morneau hit his 2nd home run of the night and the whole atmosphere had fun written all over it.

Man, that would be awesome to be there right now.

Hehe I could probably go to Sundays game but I probably couldn’t or could I?

What if I went to Chicago?

I thought about it and I didn’t have any solid plans for the weekend and I haven’t seen US Cellular field before… hmmm

Oh but the cost of a room will kill me though
I thought it would anyway.

I went on Priceline and found a room for $45 in a 2 star place.
The trip was on. It was completely whimsical and off the cuff but it’s the kind of trip I’ve always wanted to do. Just get up and go pretty much. This time it was in Chicago to see the Twins against the White Sox.
So I went.

The trip to Chicago wasn't too bad. Not much for traffic.

I can't seem to have a trip without taking one of these cool rear view pictures.
When I finally arrived at my place I was a bit worried because the area surrounding it looked like it was what was left of the dot com boom. There were all these newish looking companies that were abandoned. This area was desolate and a bit hard on its' luck. It was right next to the airport and I was worried I'd have jets taking off constantly overhead especially since my room was only $45.
As it turns out it was a pretty nice place. It was probably the cheapest place I had ever been but also pretty nice and convenient. Take this kitchen for example. I've never had a room with all this stuff in it before.
Gee, what a great place to hang clothes!
pots and pans with a strainer! Hell, I could've made some spaghetti!
They even had ice in the ice trays! I was very impressed by that.
Then I had to check behind the refrigerator because otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Hey, I'm curious okay. As you can see, no signs of dust or lint anywhere! Dang this place is nice
Then I had to decide on where to eat. Now of course I'm going to have pizza because any trip to Chicago without pizza is pretty much a waste as far as I'm concerned. So I had to decide between Geno's East, Edwardos, Giordanos, Lou Malnati's, and Mr. Beef and Pizza.

Mr. Beef and Pizza was very close to being my choice but I had to go with Giordanos.
When it comes to pizza I don't like to experiment too much. Basically if I know something is good, I have it. I don't usually want to screw around when it comes to Chicago style pizza. Sorry Mr. Beef and Pizza but I had to go with the sure thing.
The people in the restaurant thought I was nuts for taking a picture of pizza. I'm not nuts!
I couldn't eat the whole thing...obvously so I took my precious cargo home with me. This cooler is from my previous trip to Chicago when, again, I had to take pizza home with me.
The next day I arrived to US Cellular field for whole reason I went to Chicago in the first place. The ballpark is surrounded by a huge ass parking lot so there's never any trouble finding a spot. After growing up with the Metrodome, basically any patch of grass outside looks better so whenever I approach a ballpark I've never been to, the appeal is always high for me.
I know this place as the "New Comiskey Park". It opened in 1991 and it's always been considered the worst new ballpark out there with a very steep upper deck, lack of a atmosphere outside the ballpark, and no real features. So basically I came into the game thinking US Cellular was nothing more than a bronze piece of poop.
Home plate of the original Comiskey Park. People would stand this home plate and treat it like a grave. People would stand quietly and eventually step in the batter's box. If this is correct, Babe Ruth and virtually most American League player from 1910-1990 stood here.
I find that really cool.
I purchased the cheapest ticket in the building which was a $25 upper deck researved which wasn't too bad but they wouldn't let me roam around the lower decks. I felt like a 3rd class traveler. Anyway the upper deck wasn't terribly bad. The concourse walls were decorated with cool White Sox history and vintage pictures of...everything.
The hot dogs weren't terribly bad either. They had a 2-for-1 deal on dogs ($3) so I had to cash in. As I was walking up to my seat I remembered that Chicago is known for their distaste for people putting ketchup on hot dogs and add to the fact that I was wearing a Twins cap and I'm surprised no one said anything. Actually one guy gave me a dirty look (or the 'stink eye' as sugar tits would say) but I ate my dogs in like 30 seconds anyway.
Seriously, some people feel very passionate about ketchup on hot dogs. I mean some will basically berate you for doing something so "stupid".

I remember my first game at an outdoor ballpark at Coors Field. It was hotter than hell and it just doesn't come into mind to worry about sunscreen and getting enough water until you're sitting there thinking, "damn, it's kinda hot". Luckily this covering covered the sun for most of the upper deck seats so I got to sit in the shade for all of the game. That alone made these cheap tickets pretty nice.
Also the issue with how people have to climb a mountain if they sit in the upper deck is a bit hyperbole. I mean it may be a little steep but it's nothing really to bitch about. I liked my seat.
I had to laugh at the FUNdamentals section here. I don't think the Sox had much for fundamentals on Friday when they committed 5 errors in the first game.

This is the smoking area right next to the FUNdamentals area. As you can see the Chicago skyline looks very nice!
And these have to be the ugliest mother effing jerseys in the history of mankind. I never knew the White Sox had the ugly baby blue and red jerseys but holy Christ these are the worst of the baby blues (and they're all bad) I have ever seen.
I tried to covertly take a picture of this guy's jersey by fumbling around and tripping over my own feet. I think everyone in the concourse was looking at me except Mr. Grossman here. I hope this guy found this jersey at the Goodwill dumpster.
It was very nice to sit in the shade with the warm breeze. Like I said this was considered the worst new ballpark because it was built before the retro era. I took a good hard look at everything and I must dissagree. I think US Cellular is a nice place to see a baseball game.
I mean US Cellular doesn't have anything terribly exciting about it but it doesn't have anything gimmicky about it either. It's a very suitable place to watch baseball.

I know some renovations have been done in recent years and I have no idea what the place looked like before that but now I think it's nice. People have said that US Cellular is amongst the worst third of ballparks but I believe that to be very harsh. In my opinion I would take US Cellular in a heartbeat over Miller Park (shocking I know) and honestly I think US Cellular has some similarities to Coors Field. Don't get me wrong, I think Coors is clearly better but I wouldn't discount US Cellular as terrible. I would classify it as a very decent ballpark and not the bronze plated turd I was expecting.
Perhaps it's the comparison to Wrigley Field that people make that gives it the bad rap. Comparing anything to Wrigley isn't exactly fair. Hell, comparing the Parthenon to Wrigley isn't fair. But oh well.

Game ended with the Twins losing 6-2 with Silva getting shelled.

In terms of ballparks that I've seen. I believe I have a pretty good scale by seeing one of the best ballparks (Wrigley) and worst (Metrodome). So with 10 being Wrigley and 1 being Metrodome...

10-Wrigley Field
8- Kauffman stadium
7- Coors Field
6- US Cellular Field
4.5 Miller Park

Monday, July 09, 2007

Driving Crap

Ten years have passed
Since you walked out of my life
But late last night in the pharmacy
You were in the line in front of me
So I ran away to hide

Crap List

1. People who cut off semis
I can’t remember if I’ve bitched about this already (I probably have, I’ve been bitching like this for nearly 3 years) but you psychos that pass semis as if they’re Ford Probes really need to take a look at what you’re doing.

Let’s say you’re passing a Ford Probe, you speed past the Probe, and then when you’re about 30 feet in front of it, you flip on your blinker and start heading into the lane.

When passing a semi, you speed past the semi, and then when you’re about….a hell of a lot of feet away from the semi, then you pass it--not 30 feet. It’s just amazing how people treat semis like they could stop on a dime.

Call me morbid but I’d be interested in seeing a deer dart out in front of the guy who just cut off this semi carrying 60,000 lbs. of anvils. After the guy slams on his breaks the semi truck driver basically says,
“sucks to be you.” and gradually slows down hitting the car which has already hit the deer.. Soon, the deer, driver of the probe, and the truck driver are all having a nice conversation on the grill of the semi. It’s like a Normal Rockwell painting.

2. To the idiot driving the Audi
So I’ve got my car on cruise at a comfortable 74mph and I start creeping up behind you. I understand that you may not see me right away so I keep my distance that says, “S’cuse me, Ah, can you mosey on over to the right?” and I wait patiently.

5 minutes go past and I’m still wondering what the hell you’re doing so I switch lanes and pass your annoying ass on the right. I pass you and everything is fine. I stay in the right lane and your ass is way back there until you start tearing ass at 80 right past me.

Then it’s down to 70

Then I have to get behind you again so I can pass this other slow ass guy going 65 and now you’re neck and neck with the guy not budging for at least 3 miles. No one is moving and traffic is picking up. Eventually the guy on the right kicks it up to 80 just so he can pass your annoying ass--like I did.

Yadda, yadda, yadda…And eventually I’m behind you again.
70mph--(Boof: oh shit, better slow down)
78mph--(Boof: finally, there you go)
70mph--(Boof: wtf are you doing?)

And this whole time I’m adjusting my cruise because I’m not one of those annoying people who put the breaks on all the time on the highway. Also, there is no one in front of this guy but there are usually people who I want to pass on the right. So…what the hell Audi?

I was willing to put money that this person was
A) On the phone
B) female and over the age of 45
C) both (dear god)

I passed this annoying fuck again and it turns out it was a kid about 23 with his hottie right next to him and he’s just chatting away. No cell phone, no helpless Spanish chick, not even any road head. Just some clueless punk who must have his foot on the pedal. I looked to see if he had a rear view and I think he had one. I also looked to see if the guy was blind or not but seemed to have vision.

So what the hell?

Friday, July 06, 2007

Transformers Review/Die Hard 4 Review, Bits, Crap, and Everything else.

It's not a hurry that were in
There's no problem
That's the thing

Oh the things to talk about. I’m going to try to make this into a mega post so everyone can maybe read through this and hopefully Friday will be done with as you’re halfway through.

-First things first, Shane at Greet Machine did something that I will probably do someday. The picture at the bottom is a bottomless pit of laughs (just put the mouse over it). I give my “butthead” laugh every time.

-Die Hard 4 review
I’ve always been a big Die Hard guy from the cool first movie to the completely fake and nonsensical 2nd to the cool 3rd (which had Samuel L. Jackson who makes any movie 5 points cooler).

Die Hard 4 was awesome. It was the best movie I had seen in 2007 and had a good plot, great antagonist, it was funny, John McLane was indeed John McLane (and not some poser), and there were plenty of homages to the prior movies.

Kevin Smith is in there….and I honestly thought he played a very good part. The initial scene of him almost made cringe a little bit knowing he was going to be this over-the-top Star Wars nerd and some sort of facet of the character he always plays. However he was a very important part of the movie and it was probably the best thing he’s done in almost ten years (Dogma)

Lucy McLane has developed into an absolute hottie and served as a very interesting character who definitely has some qualities of her father.

Great movie and I definitely want to see it again.

-For the 4th of July our neighbors decided to shoot off about $1400 worth of fireworks. It’s awesome because we got to enjoy the fireworks without the guilt. See even for the community fireworks I feel a tad bit guilty knowing that the tax dollars pay for it. When the neighbor shoots them off it gives you the rush and pleasure of stealing but with out the guilt of ethics or that overbearing conscience.

Moral of the story: Crash all 4th of July parties so you don’t have to buy any fireworks.

-My quest to see a game in Yankee stadium is now going to be reality! Exactly two weeks from today, I will be seeing a live game from inside Yankee stadium.

It feels like December--**flipping through the calendar**-- er December 11th. There may be a picture or two taken.

Alright I had to separate things because it just doesn’t feel right to drop in this review without a chance to breathe.

-Transformers review

I remember heading into seeing Clerks 2 already hating it. I absolutely loved Clerks but I was afraid that the sequel wouldn’t live up to the first. As it turns out I absolutely hated the sequel. I was so pissed off that I nearly walked out of the theatre and left in a mad tirade. My hatred toward Kevin Smith (whom I once admired and two of his movies are still in my top 5) was at an all-time high. He ruined Randall and that’s all I can say.

I came into Transformers with the same kind of attitude I had before I saw Clerks 2. I heard Michael Bay directed it and they gave him a budget the size of Scrooges money bin which always seems to spell disaster for any movie I see.

I’ve always loved the Transformers. I cried with Optimus died and I vividly remember when they resurrected him

Lil’ Boof: Dad! Dad! Optimus is alive!
Dad just coming home from work: Oh that’s great. He was that car right?
Lil’ Boof: No dad! He was the semi!
Dad: Oh that's nice--Where did your mother put the mail?

I didn’t think there was anyway I would walk out of this movie with anything but a “He screwed it up” mentality. I sat in the theatre with my arms crossed and a frown trying to desperately tone the fan boys out (and keeping my own fanboyness to myself).

The movie starts and I’m still not buying into things. I’m totally being the Doubting Thomas I usually am.

Then came the narration by Peter Cullen, also known as the original voice of Optimus Prime. I can’t remember what was said but I know that once I heard the voice, I had chills all over and a smile crept on my face. The movie starts and I couldn’t take that grin off my face.

The action was great, the acting was very surprising, Michael Bay did put in a love story but it was very believable (in my opinion), the two women in the movie were hot as hell, one of the women wore some killer heels, bumblebee was the absolute shit, and Optimus held the same extreme dignity as he’s always had. The comedy was true and there were homages to the original movie and the sheer statement said by Optimus,
“Autobots, roll out” nearly brought tears to myself, a lifetime transformers fan.

I examined this movie very closely to find something to focus all my hate on but I couldn’t. I wanted and tried--tried--to hate this movie but I couldn’t. I loved it and surprisingly enough, Michael Bay didn’t screw it up. He actually did a good job.

I found myself deeply into this movie. I laughed at the funny parts, I pumped my fists during the fights, and I even rooted for the kid to land the girl.

That’s not to say the movie is perfect though because--taking a couple steps back from my fanboyness--Die Hard 4 was the better movie. Transformers does run a bit long and there was the whole John Tuturro/sector 7 deal which was very god damn annoying and could‘ve easily been cut out of the movie.

I plan on seeing the movie again and I called up my brother to see what he thought of it because the only person who I’ve ever known to be into the Transformers as much as me was my brother. He didn’t like it as much as I did but he might have been stoned too so…who knows.

There has already been talks of a sequel which makes me wonder who would be it because we only had 5 autobots in this movie. I mean they could bring in Ultra Magnus, Hot Rod, Sky Lynks, the constructocons, Devastator, insecticons, the motherfuckin aerialbots, the Stuntocons, OMEGA SUPREME, THE PROTECTOBOTS, GALVATRON, OH MY GOOD LORD THE DINOBOTS!!!!!!GRIMSLOCK!!!!!!

*coughs* did it just get a hot in here?

Oh my god the possibilities are endless.
Have a good weekend everyone.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Too Tired

I'm too damn tired to write much but I saw Die Hard 4 and Michael Bay's--(sigh)--Transformers.

Reviews tomorrow.

Hope y'all didn't blow off your hand during the 4th!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Pictures from the show

Hush now baby, baby, dont you cry.
Mother's gonna make all your nightmares come true.
Mother's gonna put all her fears into you.
Mother's gonna keep you right here under her wing.
She wont let you fly, but she might let you sing.

Last Saturday I saw the Roger Waters show at the Xcel. I came there without a ticket because A) There’s always someone who shows up with an extra ticket--for this concert I was hoping some hottie would be offering up tickets because she’s never heard of the guy--and B) it’s actually cheaper to buy tickets on the street. Once the concert starts tickets drastically go down in price. I figured this concert wouldn’t be sold out because the radio station was practically giving away tickets so I thought my chances would be pretty good.

So I hung out in front of the Xcel until I found someone with an extra ticket. I saw someone with this ticket (above) and I figured he wanted full price and I wasn't planning on spending $100 for this deal so I passed. Twenty minutes later I migrated to the west end of the arena and found a guy with an extra ticket.
Seeing that this ticket was $100 I asked him,
Boof: How much ya want for it?
Guy: How much are ya willing to give me for it?
Boof: $50
Guy: $60
Boof: no thanks

and I walked away. The guy then comes running over to me and says "$55". Deal and I pull out $50 and he runs off before I can get another $5.

So when you run it all down.
Price of admission: $99.50
space fee: $4
processing fee: $2
convenience charge (and what a convenience it is): $5
"bwahahaha fee" $5
contribution to the "Human Fund": $20
king of town tax: $3.50
secondary "bwahahahah" fee: $8
"Pearl Jam lost their lawsuit against us and now we're going to spite everyone fee: $100
Ticketmaster surplux fee: $23
"just in case we didn't charge enough fees" fee: $35

and with a couple other fees this ticket comes out to about $500 for which I paid $50 for.
Not bad.

For a back drop we had this to look at. As people were taking their seats we had some old school blues in the background to listen to. Suddenly La Bamba comes on followed by some swingin' Elvis stuff. As it turns out it was this here radio. So we had to listen to a guy listening to music as he was drinking some whiskey. It was cool for 5 minutes but it kept going on forever.

I then got tired and noticed this guy sitting in front of me was wearing this pink polo shirt. For those keeping score that's -5000 man points.
The guy sitting next to me asked me how much I paid for my ticket. As it turns out this sorry sun of a bitch sold the ticket I eventually ended up with for $30 which means the guy I bought it from made an easy $20. That got me thinking that I should think about doing that...but then I'd be one of those weird guys hanging out looking for tickets...which I was anyway.

Thirty bucks though...dang.

Videos to come. hold on...or go to bed.

In this video you get to hear the guys behind me. From the "Fuckin right" to the actual singing of Shine On it's all just great to hear. I mean what would I do without those guys talking throughout the show? Oh yeah, probably enjoy the concert.

Then here's a giant pig

Monday, July 02, 2007

Pink Crap

All I ask is if she's with you
please keep her warm and safe
and if it's in your power
please purge the memory of this place

Crap List

1. The crowd at the Roger Waters show.
I love going to concerts for the music but I hate the audience. I’ve talked about this many times and it’s just so horrible. All I ask is for the audience to shut up--just sit there (or stand) and be quiet.

So Waters kicks off the show with about 3 Pink Floyd songs. Great stuff and the concert is starting off strong. The second he starts singing something other than Time or Money or Comfortably Numb the people start filing towards the concession stands for their beer.

They need beer so bad that they buy one during the concert they paid $100 for. Also it’s not even beer but Budweiser (aka: pepper water). They are willing to shell out $7 for their huge gulp of pepper water! DURING THE SHOW! Is it possible, just for once in your life, to go 2 hours without a beer?

Then, of course, whenever the performer says “fuck” or “shit” the whole crowd cheers. I hate that because it’s so pathetic. It’s basically the crowd saying “Wow, my mommy told me that was a bad word and now you’re saying it. That’s so cool!”

Is it so hard to go to a concert for the music? Am I the only one?

2. Those four old guys sitting behind me.
It was as if I was sitting in front of my dad and his buddies. Oh they were annoying from their awful singing of “wish you were here” to their stupid comments. Roger Water is very much against GW, Tony Blair, Reagan, Thatcher, Clinton, and war. Basically if you’re a politician, he hates you but he definitely leans heavy on the left side and it’s apparent in his work.

I mean for as popular as Dark Side is, it does have some pacifistic lyrics to it. Then if you still don’t believe me, The Wall is very much an autobiography of himself and he takes on war pretty heavily in The Wall. Then if THAT wasn’t enough, The Final Cut, you know, Requiem for the Post War Dream is again, satire for war. My point is, if you shell out $100 for a concert, you should know what you’re getting into. I mean look out because Mr. Waters just might take a stab at our President. I don’t know, just a hunch.

So the guys were not appreciating the Bush bashing and I had to hear,
“pfff I didn’t know this was going to be a fuckin Hillary deal!”
“Man, why does he have to get so political?”


Then they had the best quote,
“He doesn’t give a fuck about the troops”

Ugh, Apparently they didn’t know that Water’s dad actually died in WWII hence all of his war themes in nearly everything he’s written. The song is called Another Brick in the Wall part I.


I don’t mind anyone flicking off the acts--actually go right ahead because it’s quiet that way--but please, shut the fuck up!