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Monday, July 09, 2007

Driving Crap

Ten years have passed
Since you walked out of my life
But late last night in the pharmacy
You were in the line in front of me
So I ran away to hide

Crap List

1. People who cut off semis
I can’t remember if I’ve bitched about this already (I probably have, I’ve been bitching like this for nearly 3 years) but you psychos that pass semis as if they’re Ford Probes really need to take a look at what you’re doing.

Let’s say you’re passing a Ford Probe, you speed past the Probe, and then when you’re about 30 feet in front of it, you flip on your blinker and start heading into the lane.

When passing a semi, you speed past the semi, and then when you’re about….a hell of a lot of feet away from the semi, then you pass it--not 30 feet. It’s just amazing how people treat semis like they could stop on a dime.

Call me morbid but I’d be interested in seeing a deer dart out in front of the guy who just cut off this semi carrying 60,000 lbs. of anvils. After the guy slams on his breaks the semi truck driver basically says,
“sucks to be you.” and gradually slows down hitting the car which has already hit the deer.. Soon, the deer, driver of the probe, and the truck driver are all having a nice conversation on the grill of the semi. It’s like a Normal Rockwell painting.

2. To the idiot driving the Audi
So I’ve got my car on cruise at a comfortable 74mph and I start creeping up behind you. I understand that you may not see me right away so I keep my distance that says, “S’cuse me, Ah, can you mosey on over to the right?” and I wait patiently.

5 minutes go past and I’m still wondering what the hell you’re doing so I switch lanes and pass your annoying ass on the right. I pass you and everything is fine. I stay in the right lane and your ass is way back there until you start tearing ass at 80 right past me.

Then it’s down to 70

Then I have to get behind you again so I can pass this other slow ass guy going 65 and now you’re neck and neck with the guy not budging for at least 3 miles. No one is moving and traffic is picking up. Eventually the guy on the right kicks it up to 80 just so he can pass your annoying ass--like I did.

Yadda, yadda, yadda…And eventually I’m behind you again.
70mph--(Boof: oh shit, better slow down)
78mph--(Boof: finally, there you go)
70mph--(Boof: wtf are you doing?)

And this whole time I’m adjusting my cruise because I’m not one of those annoying people who put the breaks on all the time on the highway. Also, there is no one in front of this guy but there are usually people who I want to pass on the right. So…what the hell Audi?

I was willing to put money that this person was
A) On the phone
B) female and over the age of 45
C) both (dear god)

I passed this annoying fuck again and it turns out it was a kid about 23 with his hottie right next to him and he’s just chatting away. No cell phone, no helpless Spanish chick, not even any road head. Just some clueless punk who must have his foot on the pedal. I looked to see if he had a rear view and I think he had one. I also looked to see if the guy was blind or not but seemed to have vision.

So what the hell?

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