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Saturday, September 29, 2007

week 4 picks

I gotta get my picks in so....

Green Bay
San Diego
New England

will all win this week. 

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Sex Swing Bits

And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a land of make believe
That don't believe in me

-Because I've been so damn busy lately I called a wrote a note to my company asking for a raise.  In the note I gave some damn good points on why I should get a raise and what I've been up to lately.  I got the idea after watching 'The Negotiation' episode of 'The Office' about 5 times.  I'm ready to negotiate if that's the case.  Maybe I'll negotiate my way into millionaire status!

Solid gold house here I come!

-Great moments in Boof speech history:
2004 Remote Sensing class

I was grouped up with super duper nerd (graduate) student who was so painfully boring that I found myself carving out my name in my forearm just to liven her up a notch.  She drove me nuts and simply took control of this project that we had to do.  I couldn't stand the class as it was because the professor was horribly boring and lazy by giving us power point lectures passed down from the years.

The day we had to present our final project our class of complete nerds had to present their project to the rest of us.  Everyone sucked at speaking by looking at the ground, smacking of the lips, and no assertion in their voices.  It was listening to a bunch of scientists amongst sports fans.

Then came time to present our project and we agreed that the nerd would start things off and she did.  Poorly.  She did what everyone else did in terms of hesitation and being scared strait.

Then came my turn.

I was the only one who spoke with power, voice inflection, hand gestures, eye contact, and I even walked around in front of the class.  It was as if I injected life into the class for the first time ever. I never gave a "ah" or "um" either. 

When I was finished my nerd for a partner said,
"good job" and I replied with,
"I know."

-I bring up that story because I had to give a speech at my cousin's eagle scout court of honor this weekend in Iowa.  My cousin didn't give me much direction in what to say,

Boof:  What would you like me to talk about?
Cuz:  Ah, whatever you want to talk about.

Alright.  So I was really nervous going up in front of my relatives because I don't think they've ever seen me speak like this before.  In fact I was a bit afraid of fainting just before I stood up because I didn't have much to eat before hand.

I went up and gave a so-so job in my unbelievably high standards.  As it turns out I got a ton of compliments and my aunt and uncle were really grateful of me doing such a nice speech.  I even made another aunt cry! 

-My roommate and BJ guy had the neighbors over this weekend and as I walked up my roommate freaked me out,

Rmmt:  So G says that the first night you walked in here you caught us having sex in the garage
At this point I nearly pissed my pants.  We were now talking about the unspeakable night right here in the open.
Boof:  haha well I didn't want to interrupt or anything.
Rmmt: You could've asked to join in!  Hell, I don't even remember that.
Boof with a disgusting look on his face:  haha yeah well...

If that conversation wasn't bad enough the sex swing was all set up in the garage and BJ actually got in to show it off.  Stirrups and all!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Pyramid Crap

But it's gonna take money
A whole lotta spending money
It's gonna take plenty of money
To do it right child

I had a bad headache Sunday night so I'm doing my crap list right now.  Dammit!

Crap List

1.  Those sugar coated pyramid schemes

2001 phone rings
Boof:  Hello?
Roy:  hey Tom?  It's Roy.
Boof:  Roy?  How the hell are you doing?  It's been since high school since I've talked to you!
Roy:  Yeah I know.  Say I was wondering if you wanted to catch up over coffee sometime.
Boof:  hell yeah I would. 

I was really happy to talk to Roy and I couldn't wait to catch up on things with him. 

When the time came I walked into the coffee shop where I immediately saw Roy along with another older guy.  I said my hello's and greeted this stranger.

Boof:  So what have you been up to?
Roy:  I got a new job and I thought you might be interested as well.

That's when my smile turned into a frown.

This older guy then takes over the conversation and pulls out his briefcase.  He shows me these pamphets and I'm looking at Roy like 'seriously, what the fuck?'.  The man continues until he wraps it up.

Guy:  So does this sound like something you may be interested in?

I looked at Roy and he had this genuine look on his face like he's doing me a favor.  I got up, respectfully declined, and left.

I don't consider Roy a friend anymore and if I saw him in a grocery store and he asked me where the milk was, I would show him to the opposite side of the store.  I thought that was low as all hell what he did was pretty much a sin in my world.

It happened again last week

I received a phone call and this guy throws out the name of a longtime acquaintance.

Douche:  Hey Tom, Jeff soandso referred me to you and I was wondering if you were still looking for a job or if you have your opportunities open?
Boof: yeah sure.
Douche:  Well I'm looking to fill a position in....

We talked, we found a time to meet, and left on good terms.

I then googled the number he gave me and immediately found the company that he worked for.  It was another one of those companies that basically end up screwing over people.  It fucking happened again.

So I was so pissed that I didn't even bother showing up for the interview or calling the guy.  I figured, 'I can't be the first person to do this and screw him for trying to ruin my life'.

I then get a call from my longtime acquaintance Jeff, the guy who gave this douchy company my number.  I didn't answer because I was pretty pissed at him.  He left this message to make sure I went to the interview with his buddy.

I wanted to call him back and say,
"You're dead to me...but I'll still accept free drinks at your establishment."

I think that any friend that refers you to these deals is automatically reduced two points in the friendship scale.  For instance J was a longtime friend and now he's reduced from longtime friend to close acquaintance to 'that one guy'. 

The only time I think referring someone to this BS is if you're a good friend and to just waste the douche bag company's designated douche bag.

2. My parents and the trip down to Iowa.

I don't think it's my relatives that I mind when I go down to Iowa but rather my parents who don't know how to act.  Whenever we go to Iowa I always ride with my parents because they usually leave early in the morning so I can sleep and I don't want to pay for gas (otherwise I probably wouldn't go). 

A little refresher first

My mom bothers everyone with stupid, pointless questions ("So what is the name of your friend's boss?")
My dad is incredibly anal when it comes to temperature and he gets bothered if you touch the temperature knobs. 

They both were basically looking for blood on this particular day going to Iowa. 

The air was on and my dad would, like a crack head, adjust the temperature knob from 71 to 70 and then back to 71 every 5 minutes. 

Boof:  hey, could you turn the blower off back here.  I'm getting kinda cold.
Dad looks at his panel of knobs, buttons, and colors:  I ah-what eh.  ARE YOU REALLY THAT COLD?
Boof:  I just want the blower turned down a bit.
Mom then motions over to the panel:  Lets see... where is the blower switch?
Dad noticeably angry that someone is complaining about his optimal temperature and wants to touch the panel:  Ugh...Is this it?  Maybe this?  OKAY HOW ABOUT NO AIR!

He then turns it the whole thing off.  I'm fine with that because my dad acts like a complete baby when he gets frustrated but I know my mom will say something in no time.

Mom after 5 minutes:  It's getting stuffy in here.  Turn the air back on.
Mom:  alright what is this number?
Dad in a pissy mood:  it's the temperature.  What temperature do you want it?
Mom ignores him:  Lets see, how about 60.
Mom:  Well how do I do this?

And that's when my dad said fuck for, what I've heard, the 3rd time.

I'm sitting in the back and I basically just want to leave them both on the side of the road because they're acting like kids. 

And that's before we get to our destination where my dad acts like a jackass in front of everyone screaming for attention and my mom suddenly loses her irritation behavior (how come she never acts like this all the time?).

I seriously can't believe I spent 18 years with these people.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Week 3 Picks

You made 'em laugh - you made 'em cry
You made us feel like we could fly

Last week I went 8-8 and almost called that Titans upset.  I blame last week on the crappiness of the colts, Stephen Jackson, and the lack of defense by the Bengals (51 points?).

This week I'm going to dust myself off, keep my head up, and look towards the sky because I at least know one win, the Vikings.

Like I said, last week I went 8-8 with an overall record of 16-15 so I'm looking for blood god dammit.


Miami @ NY Jets
The Jets are my team this year.  I normally don't care for the Jets or any New York team but because I have L. Coles I have to root for them.  That Jets game last week royally sucked but I didn't start Coles so that game can bite me, right on my ass.
Jets 27 Dolphins 13

Arizona @ Baltimore
Baltimore will always have a gang banger defense and there is no other way about it. 
Ravens 23 Cards 20

San Diego @ Green Bay
woah, I thought the Chargers were good and the Pats just rip them a new one.  The damn Packers are surprising as well.  Suprisingly stupid!  ahhahahahahha
Chargers 27 Packers 24

Buffalo @ New England
The Patriots have this aura that reminds me of the old 49ers teams for the 80's and 90's.  It's as if it's an honor to get slaughtered by the Patriots.
Patriots 30 Bills 3

Indianapolis @ Houston
It seems as if the Colts never really get any better or any worse.  It's like they're stuck in their own efficient bubble where they either win boringly or win efficiently.  Basically what I'm saying is I want the Colts to win or lose by 60 points.
Texans 30 Colts 28

San Francisco @ Pittsburgh
yuck... Steelers and don't even play the game
Steelers 33 49ers 10

St. Louis @ Tampa Bay
I'm liking the Garcia/Galloway connection.  I think Tampa may have something there.  St. Louis on the other hand is like the crappy and loser version of the Colts.
Bucs 23 Rams 17

Detroit @ Philadelphia
eh, I think I'm actually going to go with Detroit on this.  Philly really sucks and their defense is not very impressive.  It's just that seeing a crappy Eagles team seems really strange and wrong.
Lions 28 Eagles 27

Cleveland @ Oakland
It's probably the first Browns/Raiders game I've ever somewhat wanted to watch.  Here's to another shoot-out!
Raiders 35 Browns 24

Cincinnati @ Seattle
And then this game could be a crazy ass shoot out as well!  Chad Johnson's dances were pretty lame except the jumping in the opponents stands bit--that was entertaining.  I'm hoping he does something really cool for this game.
Bengals 24 Seahawks 20

Jacksonville @ Denver
I'm tired so ...Denver wins

Carolina @ Atlanta
Any game with Atlanta is now boring until they start Byron Sammitch

NY Giants @ Washington
Same deal with the joke of a team called the Giants

Dallas @ Chicago
Chicago is again just relying on their awesome defense.  Other than that they suck.  Dallas in this game.

Tennessee @ New Orleans
Saints are so god damn bad that all the Saints fans should sign a petition and get dollar double cheeseburgers from Burger King.  Tennessee baby

Minnesota @ Kansas City
Oh yuck.  Basically this game is just the Vikings defense and whatever the Chiefs have left of an offense.  Vikes should probably just kneel the ball every chance they get it and the Chiefs should punt every chance they get it because this game will be decided on defense and which defense scores the most points.
Vikings 24 Chiefs 6

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Crap load of Bits

Light it up, baby,
light up that fire
‘Cause I don't know what's gonna save me,
from the cold now

It's not that I don't have anything to write about but rather, I have no time to write it down.  Every day I've had some entries that I plan on writing about but I just cannot find the time to write it. 

-First of all I'm beginning to think that my time with the 45 year old roommate and BJ guy are about done.  It's not that I've been sick of living there but it's more along the lines of money.  It just seems as if they're nickel and dime-ing me.  Every month it seems as if rent mysteriously goes up $10.  Maybe it's to fund their sex swing.

-That's another thing, I can't remember if I mentioned this but they set up a sex swing in the garage.  Yeah, you read that correctly, a sex swing. 

-Then after a grueling day of work I decided to take a dip in the hot tub when I found a condom pouch (unused) sitting inside.  There's nothing more exhilarating than seeing a condom packet in the hot tub.  So yadda, yadda, yadda...I'm pregnant.

-I'm really thinking about resurrecting the Twin Cities Guerrilla Masquerade Party.  I didn't come up with the idea and I certainly didn't start it up here but these GMP's are where a large group of people gather in a random bar dressed according to a theme.  For instance 4 years ago there was about 20 of us who went to Chino Latino's dressed up as lumberjacks.  It was completely awesome!  Unfortunately the club died off after 2 meetings due to a busy schedule or something.  I know Halloween is coming but I'm thinking the first event could be during the 2nd weekend of November or something. 

For a theme I'm thinking of something tame-ish.  Something that no one will necessarily feel embarrassed about.  I'm thinking of an outdated jersey day.  Let me know if you would be interested in doing something like this (tentatively of course) because I would need a good core group to get the club kick started.  Believe me, it's very good times!

-I got a job offer recently!  The only thing is this job is being offered by this salesman douche who I've never really trusted.  The job seems like a nice position but...A) it's in Los Angeles which I've never been crazy about.  Too many stupid people and the cost of living is higher.  For instance a shithole 1br apartment in LA is at least $1000.  B) I've already been warned that the workers aren't the best and are destroying the company.  If it's one thing I know, you live and die by the workers you have and I don't know if I want to have the stress and BS that comes with it.  C) while the pay is above what I'm getting here, it still counts as a pay reduction factoring in the cost of living so that sucks. 

But the guy is flying me out so I might just take the opportunity to at least take a look.  I the very least it's a paid vacation so to speak right?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Last Week Crap

I can't quit you babe
I... think I'm gonna put you down for a while
I said you messed up my happy home
Made me mistreat my only child

Crap List

1.  Last week
So last week was probably the most worrisome, stressful, busiest, insane week ever.  Last week was so ridiculous that I couldn't even tap into my 'release activities' of working out, blogging, and going to KFC and ordering potato wedges. 
Basically the core of last week was me starting out my educational career in architecture by taking the intro class at the U of M.  I went into that class not knowing if I had a love for architecture or just a general version of 'hey, that building looks cool'.  However I did have visions of maybe, just maybe architecture is my passion and I could excel at it.  I could join 'nerd school' (grad school) and come up with some killer stuff and set an example and have a deep seeded passion for my work and absolutely love to work.  I would have Pam as my associate and be the first non-pretentious architect ever.

This was before I even took a class and after reading a couple magazines on architecture.

Then I took the class-the class of about 300 18 & 19 year old students who've yet to be out in the real world.  This was also the first time I've been in school since '04 and that was for environmental classes.

I went to the first class and it rubbed me the wrong way right away.

Prof in this fakey elegant voice:  Hello everyone, my name is (name).  If you want to address me then call me Prof. (name) or Prof (full name) or I suppose you can call me by my first name.  Miss, Mrs, or Ms. is inappropriate for university studies and I will not tolerate it.

Right away I kind of frowned on that and shook it off what I suppose.  She would also mention about how she went to Berkeley about a 5 times that day too which seemed an awful like some SNL skit.  Despite all that I was quickly reminded about all the things that really irritated me about university classes like how the TA's seem to teach more than the actual accredited professor and how the U of M automatically bills you for 13 credits even if you only take one class. 

Then the discussion of landscapes happened in the 2nd class. 

TA:  Lets have a discussion on landscapes.  How do landscapes make you feel?

I had this frown on my face as if the TA just said "fuck".  I honestly don't feel anything in the topic of landscapes.  It's just way too broad of a question to even have feelings for.  At least for me but all these kids had something decidedly worthless to interject.  Then the professor walks in and ten more kids raised their hands to participate in this worthless discussion just to show the prof that they're pretending to care.

The class left me with a bad taste in my mouth and I was starting to wonder if it was really worth the hour out of my way and the $1200 and the stress and time.

Then the first project came out.  The project called for us to take an object and turn it into something else.  For instance someone took condoms and turned them into a baby's bib (see the hidden concept?  condoms-baby-bib?) and we all had to do something similar.  I tried, I worried and wracked my brain for a week trying to come up with something.  I even walked around Wal-Mart until 3am wandering around until I thought I found a brilliant idea.  I repeatedly was turned down because the TA couldn't find the connection or it wasn't 'deep' enough or I didn't 'jump the canyon' or whatever.  After 4 attempts and four rejections because "I don't understand it" (remember I can't take constructive criticism) I started thinking of my options.

I looked at the syllabus and asked myself "do I really want to do this?" and the answer was decidedly "no".  I could spend most of that $1200 on coke and whores and have a much better time than this POS class.

It just wasn't my cup of tea and could tell already that architecture was just me looking at cool structures.  Not to mention that the class seemed really gay (and I'm all for gay rights).

2.  Burger kings $1.39 double cheeseburger
Burger King, seriously, what the colossal fuck?  WERE YOU LOSING MONEY?  Did the $1 double cheeseburger really give your accountants that much of a headache?  DID YOU THINK WE WOUDN' T NOTICE?

When I pull into the BK drive-thru and order my 2 double cheeseburger and 2 4-piece chicken tenders I pay my $4.26 and not FIVE FUCKIN SIXTEEN!  This is an absolute sin as far as I'm concerned and Burger King shall rot in Hell for this monstrosity.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Week 2 Picks

I'm just wondering why I feel so all alone
Why I'm a stranger in my own life

The past ten days have been so unbelievably busy that I'm about to crack.  Everyday from 2:30 to 10pm I've been running around and lining things up.  I've had a ton to talk about but no time to type it so... bite the 2 people that may read this.

Anyway last week I was an outstanding 8-7 and looking over everything, I didn't even have any kind of a sleeper.

This week...I really don't know so I'll take a shot in the dark


Atlanta @ Jacksonville
Woah the falcons really suck now.  It's almost to the point where I wouldn't be against having Michael Vick play if it was only the 2nd quarter.  At least then we could joke around and hope he gets sacked. 
Jaguars 30 Falcons 10

Buffalo @ Pittsburgh
blah, blah blah.  Pittsburgh wins
Steelers a lot Bills not enough

Cincinnati @ Cleveland
I have a feeling this will be the last game with Charlie Frye at quarterback.  It's weird because it seems as if there are 6 really dominant teams and some of these potentially decent teams--not saying Cleveland but other teams.  Anyway...
Bengals 27 Browns 13

Green Bay @ NY Giants
I didn't watch that game on Sunday night but it seemed as if it was a lot like gamerivals' Run 'N Gun game but with nonstop passing. I'm hoping this is a shootout because I got Donald Driver.
Packers 24 Giants 13

Houston @ Carolina
I want to pick Houston only because they are one of my potential teams I was talking about but this is the odd year that Carolina is supposed to be good too.  Since Carolina is at home I have to go Panthers and that damn Steve Smith.
Panthers 17 Texans 13

Indianapolis @ Tennessee
I really want to pick the titans and I think I always seem to go for the Titans in this matchup but this could also be the game that Vince Young gets his knee all owyed up.  I'm going to say 'what the hell' and go Titans for the fun of it.
Titans 27 Colts 24

New Orleans @ Tampa Bay
That Saints game seemed really ugly last week and it's making me wonder a little bit.  I mean maybe the Colts are really bad this year and the Saints are actually that much worse!  Or maybe the Saints flat-out suck and Reggie Bush was just really, really overrated.  Or it could just be a bad Thursday night.
Saints 33 Bucs 17

San Francisco @ St. Louis
After that boring Monday night game and how St. Louis lost at home last week I just don't know what to think.  I guess I see Stephen Jackson running over everyone and the goalpost in this one.
Jackson 31 49ers 24

Dallas @ Miami
Dallas rolls because they're awesome this year.
Cowboys 28 Dolphins 14

Seattle @ Arizona
I think Arizona has been the sleeper pick for the last 15 years and yet they always fail to win 6 games.  Arizona sucks.
Seahawks 27 Cards 23

Kansas City @ Chicago
Chicago wins because they have a defense.
Bears 9 Chiefs 0

NY Jets @ Baltimore
All my receivers are playing the best defenses and it pisses me off.
Ravens 23 Jets 10

Oakland @ Denver
Broncos 24 Raiders 23

San Diego @ New England
The potential game of the year.  Rock-fuckin-on!
Chargers 38 Patriots 33

Washington @ Philadelphia
Eagles 27 Redskins 16

Minnesota @ Detroit
I think I'm actually a little bit excited for Vikings football for the first time since...before.  I gotta go with the lions because I don't know exactly how good the Vikes are.
Lions 31 Vikings 13

Julia Roberts has some mad veins coming out of her forehead.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Constructive Phone Calls Crap

Night after night, we pretend its all right
But I have grown older and
You have grown colder and
Nothing is very much fun any more.

This last week was something that was just waaay too much for me.  Too much work and not enough napping/fun time.  With that, I am proud to present you the...

Crap List

1.  Constructive Criticism
I will be the first person to say that I cannot take constructive criticism.  At all.  Even if I ask for it.

Boof:  Tell me what is wrong with this opening
Someone else:  Well the opening sentence is weak and the inclusion of sloppy joes doesn't even make sense.
Boof:  Okay...But the sloppy joes reference is in regard to the sloppy play of St. Johns and the opening is there to support the ending.
someone else:  But it's weak.
Boof:'re an idiot

That's when my face turns red and my blood starts boiling.  I don't know I can't handle criticism and I act the way I do but I do wish I could have the same mentality while taking criticisms as I have while being in church--I understand, I care, I want to take a nap.

I have determined that the only way I can even withstand criticism comfortably is during this scenario:
Someone gives me some an ice cream cone with a bottle of bubbles.  I have my ice cream and I'm blowing bubbles with a big smile on my face.  Then one can criticize me and I'll be put from a happy mood to a "normal mood" 

So FYI to anyone who wants to criticize me, buy me happy things to butter me up first.

2. Phone calls
Last week I picked up my phone to call someone.  I pressed the first number when my phone beeped right before I pressed the first number.  My phone read "Call connected to (number)".  I looked at the number and realized someone called me just before I started dialing numbers.  While I was on the phone someone tried calling me and they got my voicemail.  Another guy after that tried calling me and they got my voice mail. 

I finally got off the phone and someone immediately called me before I reached my voice mail.  At the same time my personal phone started ringing and this is all before I had a chance to call the original person I tried to call. 

This type of business is just enough to put me in a terrible mood.  For instance the way I answer the phone is very different between phone calls.

Call 1:  Hello this is Tom
2:  Hello, Tom here
3:  Hello?
4:  Hello
5:  *sigh* Hello
6:  *sigh* yeah?

and at that point Penelope Cruz could be calling me and I just wouldn't care.  I just hate having all those phone calls at one time.  I think I have a 6 phone call per hour limit.  Anything more and my fuse is lit. 

Therefore, don't call me when everyone else calls.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

2007 Week One Picks

What shall we do to fill the empty spaces?
Where waves of hunger roar
Shall we set out across the sea of faces?
In search of more and more applause

This 2007 season of the NFL brings and beer and wings every Sunday.  Despite my team probably sucking ass this year, I cant wait to hang out at BWW in Oakdale every Sunday.  Therefore if you want to hang out with a bunch of pigs (or A then feel free to join us. 

Last year we racked up 185 free wings by simply wearing a jersey every time the Vikings scored a touchdown so be sure to wear the uni and bring extras so we can bring in some homeless people and steal their wings.

Anyway I bring you


PICKS 2007!!!!

Last year I went...I'm too lazy to figure it out but it was probably very incredibly awesome.  This year I hope to do better.

This first week is always a shot in the dark so nevermind the mindless chatter before the picks since I have no idea what I'm doing anyway.

Carolina @ St. Louis
I really don't have a clue because both of these teams never seem as good as they're advertised.  Why does my touch pad on my computer always want to erase everything?  That bugs me but thank god for the "undo" button.  They should have more of those in life.
Rams 27 Panthers 13

Denver @ Buffalo
I'm really not into Buffalo but I do like that "Confessions of a Matchmaker" show which is based in Buffalo. It seems completely staged but I find it entertaining.  It's weird that it's based in Buffalo though.  It's also weird that a city is named Buffalo.  It's also really, really weird that many cities are named Buffalo.
Broncos 17 Bills 13

Kansas City @ Houston
I guess KC has Larry Johnson and I guess that would be enough to win over Houston...but I dont think so. 
Texans 24 Chiefs 21

Miami @ Washington
I really don't know but I know that the Redskins are hard to beat at home.  Riveting, I know.
Redskins 27 Dolphins 17

New England @ NY Jets
Pats win because they're the Pats.
Patriots 27 Jets 17

Philadelphia @ Green Bay
With the Packers playing and my newly found bias towards the Eagles I want to pick a huge Eagles blowout. Therefore,
Eagles 400 Packers 14

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
I pretty much dislike all Cleveland teams and the Browns are no exception especially since they're playing a team I've always liked, the Steelers.
Steelers 17 Browns 10

Tennessee @ Jacksonville
Jacksonville only because of that gang banger defense.
Jaguars 13 Titans 6

Chicago @ San Diego
I really don't trust the Bears when they play a good team.  I know they played Indy tough in the playoffs but I can't help but to think that they've been blessed by being in a horrible division.  After all, they were one receiver away from being swept by the Vikings
Chargers 24 Bears 3

Detroit @ Oakland
ugh... yuck. Actually this might be better than it looks because Oakland can only go be better and Detroit...I don't know about Detroit.  I guess the Lions can only go up too but Matt Millen is STILL THERE! 
Raiders 27 Lions 23

Tampa Bay @ Seattle
It's at Seattle so Seattle wins.
Seahawks 24 Bucs 13

NY Giants @ Dallas
I know they're in NY but why do the Giants continuously get NBC coverage? 
Dallas 24 Giants 16

Baltimore @ Cincinnati
Now this is what I'm talking about.  This should be the game on Sunday night only because I can actually watch it.  This game is completely fascinating.  Baltimore wins for no apparent reason.
Ravens 21 Bengals 13

Arizona @ San Francisco
pfff I dunno.  Arizona?
Cards 24 49ers 20

Atlanta @ Minnesota
ugh I'm getting bored just typing this game out.  I honestly don't think this years Vikings is much better than a 6-10 team.  The running game looks awesome and the run defense looks awesome again but what about a quarterback?  What about a pass defense?  ugh.  Anyway I think the Vikes will pull this one out just barely.  Maybe it would be best if this game is blacked out since it already sounds boring.
Vikes 21 Falcons 20

Have a good weekend everyone.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


I wont ask you where you're goin.
I wont ask you where you been.
I know after a million times you get sick of all my lines,
but I just wanna see you safe again.


Holy crap it's been forever and ever since I've done some bits.

-A couple weeks ago I came home from work and I found a sex swing in our garage.  It wasn't hooked up or anything but it was still in the box.  It's been sitting there for the past couple of weeks and now there's a sheet over the sex swing if I didn't see it the first 2 weeks. 

Despite it being sick and me trying to imagine BJ guy and the roommate using this thing, I can't help but to wonder how the thing gets anchored onto the ceiling.  Like how can one weight 200 lbs. and still be able to have the swing support ones self?  Do ya wipe it before or after each use?  Ugh...will it go above the hot tub? 

-In terms of fantasy football I decided to check out what I thought about my team last year.  Last year through a couple brilliant pick ups and a heroic win over Hog's team I managed to have a damn good team. 

After reading this entry I pretty much determined that luck saved my team from extreme mediocrity.  For instance, take a look at the quarterbacks that I really wanted last year:  Eli, Delhomme, Daunte, Kurt Warner, and Jake Plummer.  3 of which never finished the season because they sucked so bad and the other two were just bad.

RB:  Ronnie Brown, Cadillac, Steven Jackson, Mike Bell.  I had it right with Steven Jackson but that's about it.  The other 3 were huge stiffs.

Then the team I drafted in 2006 looks worse than the team I drafted this year.

-I purchased the 3rd season of The Office and so far it's more dramatic than the 2nd season.  It's more soap opera-like.  Dwight is still funny as all hell.  I just wish Pam would dress more slutty. 

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

The Fair: Conquored!

Cause everyone's heart
Doesn't beat the same
It's beating out of time

I went, I ate, I walked, and I...


As it turns out I went three days instead of the two that I had planned. Friday night I had the opportunity to go and since Patty Griffin was playing in Garrison Keillor's, Prarie Home Companion I thought I would take part in the opportunity.

I've actually watched A Prairie Home Companion: The Movie and I didn't think it was terribly bad. After watching it on Friday I now believe it's for gay old men in that there's singing, fishing stories, and some weird stories. The first hour is tolerable but then the 2nd hour he goes completely overboard with the stories and it just get so boring after awhile. Not to mention that his accent is very disturbing seeing as he's from the Twin Cities.

Patty Griffin though was damn awesome and worth the price of admission. She sang only four songs along with 2 of Keillor's old gay men songs. Since I had such a horseshit day at work I was hoping that a couple Griffin's songs would put me in better spirits and it did...along with a couple Pronto Pups.

I went to the fair again on Saturday and this was where I was going to do a good majority of my eating. I started out with Cheese Curds and I never looked back.

When I took a break from my eating I waited at the FSN North booth for Steph to join me in my eating. As I waited I saw one of the most beautiful sights these eyes have ever seen.

(Cue: Dreamweaver) Our eye locked for a split second before she looked somewhere else and mine were still locked on her gorgeous face. She smiled as someone walked up to her for her autograph. Her ass was a big surprise in that it was more plump than I ever imagined.

I walked up, smiled, and said,

"Can I have your autograph, Marney?" and Marney Gellner smiled and said,

"Hello, sure. What's the name?"

and I gave her my name and I received this in return.

She said hi to me which is the first step! The next steps is her divorcing her husband, meeting me while I'm stuffing my face with a burger, me asking her on a date when I wipe my chin from the burger greases, and then living happily ever after.

I then looked all over the blasted fair for some Lutheran booth where they served meatball sundaes. At the Prairie Home Companion show they brought in some old lady and she described the meatball sundae with mashed potatoes, gravy, and a meatball to top everything off. Everyone went "awww yuck" in their gay, old man way. Everyone except me where I stood up and rubbed my belly and said "yum" really, really loud. So I tried it and it was delightful. I've decided to add that to my list of foods I must have every year. Maybe next year I'll simply bring my own gravy. Hmmm definitely something to think about.

Despite spending a ton of time at the fair on Saturday I didn't even see half of the stuff I wanted to see so I had to go on Labor Day which is pretty much a personal tradition with me since there's nothing else to do on Labor Day. For Labor Day I basically ate the whole damn fair. It was awesome and I even had another meatball sundae.

I feel terrible. Not because I ate too much but because the fair and summer is now over. I'm still getting that school time anxiety too because I'm actually taking a class this fall.

Damn that day-after-Labor-Day feeling.