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Monday, September 24, 2007

Pyramid Crap

But it's gonna take money
A whole lotta spending money
It's gonna take plenty of money
To do it right child

I had a bad headache Sunday night so I'm doing my crap list right now.  Dammit!

Crap List

1.  Those sugar coated pyramid schemes

2001 phone rings
Boof:  Hello?
Roy:  hey Tom?  It's Roy.
Boof:  Roy?  How the hell are you doing?  It's been since high school since I've talked to you!
Roy:  Yeah I know.  Say I was wondering if you wanted to catch up over coffee sometime.
Boof:  hell yeah I would. 

I was really happy to talk to Roy and I couldn't wait to catch up on things with him. 

When the time came I walked into the coffee shop where I immediately saw Roy along with another older guy.  I said my hello's and greeted this stranger.

Boof:  So what have you been up to?
Roy:  I got a new job and I thought you might be interested as well.

That's when my smile turned into a frown.

This older guy then takes over the conversation and pulls out his briefcase.  He shows me these pamphets and I'm looking at Roy like 'seriously, what the fuck?'.  The man continues until he wraps it up.

Guy:  So does this sound like something you may be interested in?

I looked at Roy and he had this genuine look on his face like he's doing me a favor.  I got up, respectfully declined, and left.

I don't consider Roy a friend anymore and if I saw him in a grocery store and he asked me where the milk was, I would show him to the opposite side of the store.  I thought that was low as all hell what he did was pretty much a sin in my world.

It happened again last week

I received a phone call and this guy throws out the name of a longtime acquaintance.

Douche:  Hey Tom, Jeff soandso referred me to you and I was wondering if you were still looking for a job or if you have your opportunities open?
Boof: yeah sure.
Douche:  Well I'm looking to fill a position in....

We talked, we found a time to meet, and left on good terms.

I then googled the number he gave me and immediately found the company that he worked for.  It was another one of those companies that basically end up screwing over people.  It fucking happened again.

So I was so pissed that I didn't even bother showing up for the interview or calling the guy.  I figured, 'I can't be the first person to do this and screw him for trying to ruin my life'.

I then get a call from my longtime acquaintance Jeff, the guy who gave this douchy company my number.  I didn't answer because I was pretty pissed at him.  He left this message to make sure I went to the interview with his buddy.

I wanted to call him back and say,
"You're dead to me...but I'll still accept free drinks at your establishment."

I think that any friend that refers you to these deals is automatically reduced two points in the friendship scale.  For instance J was a longtime friend and now he's reduced from longtime friend to close acquaintance to 'that one guy'. 

The only time I think referring someone to this BS is if you're a good friend and to just waste the douche bag company's designated douche bag.

2. My parents and the trip down to Iowa.

I don't think it's my relatives that I mind when I go down to Iowa but rather my parents who don't know how to act.  Whenever we go to Iowa I always ride with my parents because they usually leave early in the morning so I can sleep and I don't want to pay for gas (otherwise I probably wouldn't go). 

A little refresher first

My mom bothers everyone with stupid, pointless questions ("So what is the name of your friend's boss?")
My dad is incredibly anal when it comes to temperature and he gets bothered if you touch the temperature knobs. 

They both were basically looking for blood on this particular day going to Iowa. 

The air was on and my dad would, like a crack head, adjust the temperature knob from 71 to 70 and then back to 71 every 5 minutes. 

Boof:  hey, could you turn the blower off back here.  I'm getting kinda cold.
Dad looks at his panel of knobs, buttons, and colors:  I ah-what eh.  ARE YOU REALLY THAT COLD?
Boof:  I just want the blower turned down a bit.
Mom then motions over to the panel:  Lets see... where is the blower switch?
Dad noticeably angry that someone is complaining about his optimal temperature and wants to touch the panel:  Ugh...Is this it?  Maybe this?  OKAY HOW ABOUT NO AIR!

He then turns it the whole thing off.  I'm fine with that because my dad acts like a complete baby when he gets frustrated but I know my mom will say something in no time.

Mom after 5 minutes:  It's getting stuffy in here.  Turn the air back on.
Dad:  OH BUT IT'S TOO COLD!
Mom:  alright what is this number?
Dad in a pissy mood:  it's the temperature.  What temperature do you want it?
Mom ignores him:  Lets see, how about 60.
Dad:  SIXTY!?  IT'S GOING TO BE COLDER THAN SHIT IN HERE!
Mom:  Well how do I do this?

And that's when my dad said fuck for, what I've heard, the 3rd time.
Dad:  YOU TURN THE FUCKING KNOB!

I'm sitting in the back and I basically just want to leave them both on the side of the road because they're acting like kids. 

And that's before we get to our destination where my dad acts like a jackass in front of everyone screaming for attention and my mom suddenly loses her irritation behavior (how come she never acts like this all the time?).

I seriously can't believe I spent 18 years with these people.

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