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Monday, October 01, 2007

It happened again!

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe

Crap List

1. It happened again!
For those who don't remember, give this and this a good read before you move on.

Yesterday at around 5:30 I decided I was going to tell my roommate that I was handing in my 90 day notice. If I don't hand in my notice then I'll never have the motivation to find a friggen hizzy and live in it. Add to the fact that my architecture career lasted one week and with that I have a better idea of what I want to do. All I had left was to tell the roommate.

I had been hearing my roommate and BJ guy walking around upstairs so I knew they were around. I walked upstairs and couldn't find them so I thought I would look in the garage since the garage is awesome as hell to watch tv. I opened the door and there was my roommate who was sleeping on the chair and BJ guy passed out over the chair and on top of her lower stomach.

Or were they?

Then I heard panting and BJ's head was slightly moving.

Oh crap.

BJ Guy was on the wrong end of a BJ. BJ guy was eating out my roommate in, once again, the garage.

I closed the door and wanted to blow chunks. The thing about this is, I leave through the garage and they know that I leave at odd times throughout the day. Therefore when I open up the door and I see two people with the combined age of 97 sucking on genitalia I think that may be a bit inappropriate. After all YOU DO HAVE A BEDROOM!

I would even be alright with BJ Guy popping his head in my door and saying,
BJ Guy: Hey, I'm going to be bent over a chair and eating out J in the garage so...could you be a treat and leave through the front door?
Boof: Okay got it. Sexual acts by old people being had in the garage. Don't go in. Got it.

But again, the garage? Would any woman let their guy 'take out the garbage' in the garage?

Oh but it doesn't end there. After I got through trying to sanitize my body of such a scene I decided to head over to the grocery store for some frozen pizza. The garage was half open because they have this heater that runs on propane and they were using the grill all while watching tv and screwing. My car, being parked outside the half opened garage, has the running lights that automatically kick in during the day. I turn the ignition in my car, the lights come on, and the lights shine on these pasty white asses in the garage.

I then shielded my face and put on my sunglasses to protect my eyes from whatever fecal white rays that pasty white asses emit. Actually living in a place that has 2 tanning beds there really is no excuse to having pasty white asses.
There's no excuse to having exposed asses in the garage either.

I have no problem with this in the garage if say...my roommate is Sara Evans and she happens to be going out with Salma Hayek in which case I would never EVER leave the house but they're not Sara Evans and/or Salma Hayek. In fact they're not even close and that's very unfortunate in my situation.

It does bring up some really weird coincidences such as the day I moved in I found her going down on him and the day I decide to move out he's going down on her. Both in the garage.

Crazy

2. Across the Universe

First some background
Musicals: I hate them. I can't stand the singing and dancing and the "I'M HAPPY, I'M SO HAP, HAP, HAPPY!" I think there's a great way to mix song and story with the final product being cool just that the "musicals" don't do this.
Beatles: I'm a luke warm fan. I know about Pete Best, the Cavern Club, Presley being their deep inspiration, and Yoko Ono. I'm not the best person to ask about Beatles stuff but I can definitely hold my own in Beatles trivia.

Across the Universe is a musical-type-thing based off the music of the Beatles. When I saw the trailer I completely fell in love with the idea. A movie based off of the music of the Beatles. Half the movie is already completed as far as I'm concerned. With these types of songs and breadth and depth of the music there is nearly a guarantee of about ten "moments" within the movie. Add the fact that Bono and Joe Cocker appear and sing in the movie and I'm nearly exploding with anticipation.

This movie sucked a god damn ass load

Good movies have character development, a good plot with subplots, and a great use of of the score. This movie had the score, no character development, and barely any story. This movie was nothing more than an excuse to play Oasis' versions of Beatles songs for, sometimes, no apparent reason.

Why was there a character of Prudence? Was it because there was one Beatles song that featured someone by the name of Prudence? Because other than that there was no reason why she should've been in the movie. Then there's Sadie and the Jimi Hendrix fellow who just kinda hung out for most of the movie. They had every opportunity to give a new spin on classic Beatles songs and all were either okay or stupid. The only song that stood out was 'Come Together' and that's because it featured Joe Cocker and he kicked some serious ass.

I'm not a huge Beatles fan but I was I would be thoroughly pissed about this movie. In fact I was thoroughly pissed at this movie. They ruined it! They really need a mulligan for this movie. A do-over where they bring in new, better writers who can actually visualize something better than this piece of crap.

With a movie off of the Beatles I would hope someone comes up with something so amazing that it gets checked and double checked by the hardest core Beatle fans first before it would be approved.

2 comments:

The Steph said...

Wow. What a weekend. Too bad you ignored my invitation to the $1 taco bar during the Vikings/Packers game...that would have erased all the bad.

Aliecat said...

I can't believe you went to that! Bleah...I hate musicals more than I hate Wal-Mart...