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Sunday, November 11, 2007

Seafood Crap

Cuz in the peaceful lull, the quiet spell
Seduced by the promise of bliss,
we soon forget that nothing's happened yet
We're living for moments like this

Crap List


1.  A night with the family
I consider myself pretty easy going.  When I'm with my family though I can barely take how irritating they can be.  This gives me the question:  Is it my annoying family that brings out the dick in me or does my dickiness bring out my annoying family? 

Let me start with us celebrating my bros birthday at Red Lobster.  Why he picked Red Lobster over any steak place, any deep dish pizza place, or a real seafood place is beyond me but it's his birthday so...whatever.  We go to Red Lobster and take a couple minutes to look at the menu when the waitress comes up.  We all order and the waitress says,

Waitress:  So it's Tim's birthday today

Everyone looks up in amazement.  My bro looked amazed until he realized that the card I gave him was sitting right there, face up with "Tim" written on the front.
Dad:  How did you know?  haha What a waitress!
Waitress:  What can I say, I'm psychic.
Dad:  Wow, that's very impressive.  I bet you impress all the guys with that.
Waitress:  Well I'm good like that
Dad:  Oh I'm sorry for kicking you.  It's been awhile since I played footsy with anyone
Waitress:  I would say excuse me but...

(blink:blink)  There's nothing more annoying than your dad flirting with the waitress with your mom sitting right next to him. 

Waitress then leaves but not without giving my dad a tender touch on the shoulder and we start to talk.
Mom:  So where did you watch the game today?
Boof:  Buffalo wild wings in south st. paul
Mom:  Say, I bet the waitress knew it was Tim's birthday because his card was right there.

My brother and I just shake our heads. 
Boof:  Thank you captain obvious!
My dad, still glowing from playing footsy with the waitress then asks,
Dad:  So where did you watch the game today?
Boof:  ugh, B-dubs in South St. Paul
Dad:  I thought you were going to Buffalo Wild Wings?
Boof:  That's what B-dubs is
Dad:  oh okay haha.  You know that waitress probably saw Tim's card and figured out it was his birthday.
Boof and Tim:  BAAAAAAAH!!!

I nearly exploded at that point but I tried to repress it and enjoy the food.

So my dad continued to flirt with the waitress and we continued to have the same conversation two times because either my mom doesn't pay attention or my dad can't hear.  Finally the bill comes and after all that flirting and my dad glowing as a result of such flirting he tips...12%.  Twelve percent!  Actually he shorted her a buck so it was more like 10% but he was like "oh well". 

I can't believe my bro still lives with them. 

2.  Seafood
I'm starting to try new foods because I have traditionally been a fussy eater.  When it comes to food, I know what I want and I don't want to take any chances on trying new things because if I don't like it, then I feel ripped off.  With that being said, I haven't really explored a lot of foods.

With seafood I have tried fish which I enjoy but everything else I'm starting to wonder about.  At Red Lobster I ordered the snow crab.  My parents gave me some tips on how to eat it with the cracker and the small fork so I worked away at those crab legs.  About 25 minutes later, after working my ass off, my plate and lap looked like a big kindergarten project with stuff everywhere and weird looking tools scattered around.  There really wasn't any meat to the crab legs and what meat there was just didn't taste like much.  My parents told me to dip it in butter for more flavor.  I tried it and it tasted like a glob of butter. 

As a rule of thumb, if you need to douse something with butter, it's just glorified popcorn.  The same thing goes for lobster...glorified popcorn.  That's not to say that if I was in Maine that I wouldn't try that lobster but not here.  Not at Red Lobster anyway.   

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