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Monday, November 26, 2007

TryptoCRAP

We're so creative, so much more
We're high above but on the floor
It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side

Thanksgiving wasn't too bad this year considering it was in Packerland

Crap List

1.  Thanksgiving in Packerland
I actually felt a bit guilty rooting against the Packers.  Not because I hate the packers but everyone in my family was rooting for them so innocently as if they've been immune to all the Farve love for the past 15 years.  Even my 92 year old grandma had a Packers shirt so me booing the Packers as loudly as I was was a bit hurting.  I mean I'm certainly not going to stay quiet or, heaven forbit, root for them but when Joe Buck asks,

superdouche:  Troy, do you think announcers go a bit overboard when they give praise to Brett Favre?

Boof trying to hold it in:  ugh....grrrr..no, no!  no!!! NO!!!! NO THEY DON'T GO OVERBOARD BECAUSE WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT ABOUT BRETT?  I MEAN THE GUY NEVER THROWS BAD PASSES HE JUST THROWS--okay, okay, sorry everyone.  I'm quiet now.

Soperdouche:  Look at how the lights glisten off his helmet.

Boof:  no....no, no way.  I can't take it anymore.  THE LIGHTS GLISTEN OFF YOUR SHINY VAG YOU DOUCHE!  SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT BRETT.  CRITICIZE HIM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.  IT'S ALRIGHT TO SAY HE SCREWED THE POOCH WHEN HE MAKES A COMEPLETE DUMBFUCK PASS!  Alright, I'm going back in the car to cry. 

 

2.  The Aunt making everyone play games.
Some people like playing games and some don't.  I'm warming up to the idea but when 10pm rolls around and we're all winding down at my Aunt's place, game time is about done.

Oh but no, she is practically lifting us out of our chairs to play.

Aunt:  Let's play scrabble
Family:  meh...bleh
Aunt:  well, lets play something.  I mean what else are we going to do?

Boof to himself: We could simply watch TV until we fall asleep since we did drive 4 hours to get here. 

But to ease the pressure I said that I'd play cribbage because it's a kick ass game.  My dad joins in and as far as I'm concerned it can end right there because my bro is an annoying putz when it comes to cribbage and my mom simply doesn't play.

Oh no, but Auntie insists that they play too so we have a 5 way cribbage game going.  Cribbage five ways is like trying to play four square five ways--it really doesn't make much sense.

So we play and my mom is struggling with the game because she's never played before.  Me, sporting a headache and belly full of turkey, is on a short fuse so I can't help but say my snotty comments when my brother is being a putz and my mom is trying to count to 31.

"Okay bro, do you have a card that less than 24?"
"Mom, lay down that five so we can get 2 points please."

I'm pretty much a dick when it comes to this but I don't care because I have a headache and 5-way cribbage is so, so retarded. 

3.  Tryptophan

I think I touched on this last year but I can't stand that person that has to bring up what tryptophan is and why it's we're so sleepy after eating turkey.  Please, spare me the useless medical knowledge because you're not smart.  Just because it's a word that has more than two syllables doesn't make you a fucking genius. 

Next year whoever says Tryptophan will get a Thanksgiving punch by me.  I'm making that a new tradition.

2 comments:

The Steph said...

It's not the turkey's fault:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21916258/

Orbitron19 said...

TryptophanTryptophanTryptophanTryptophanTryptophanTryptophanTryptophanTryptophanTryptophanTryptophanTryptophanTryptophanTryptophan

Seriously--you were rooting for the Lions??? I've lost all respect for you. I'd root for almost anyone before I root for the Lions.