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Sunday, December 02, 2007

Snap, Crap

Just a phone call away
Now there's nothing to say
As the days roll by, disconnected

 

Crap List

1.  Jewelry commercials

Stupid Zales!  Stupid Continental Diamond!  Stupid Aurther's Jewelers!  Shut up about buying women jewelry.  I get it and I know that diamonds are the stuff that women get pregnant over but enough with the corny ass commercials.  I can't stand the white collar family with the rich, nepotism-rich bastard and his trophy girlfriend/wife. 

Everything is so perfect for that couple!  They live in some rich dink house, they know enough to clean their hardwood floors, the promotion just went through, the morning after pill worked, the dog makes delicious blueberry muffins in the morning, and the mistress got a job. 

Life is great! 

I just wish the commercials were more realistic.  For instance maybe something like the Jack Links commercials with Sasquatch but instead of beef jerky it's diamonds...and they're eating a bag of diamonds.  

 

2.  My unwillingness to ask for help

Yesterday I pulled up my driveway and tried backing into my garage stall when I got stuck in the snow in my driveway.  I stepped out, looked at the situation, and began thinking of ways to get my car out of the mess.  I grabbed a shovel and started shoveling away the snow under my wheel and tried breaking free again. 

Nothing.

I pulled more snow from my car and tried it again.

Nothing

I looked inside my place and my roommate and BJ guy were inside.  All I had to do was ask for help and I would've been in the garage in no time.  It would've been a piece a cake but I just can't.  Unless it's a dire need I'll stay out there and find a way, by myself, to get my car out of that snow even if I'll take me hours.  I just cannot ask for help.

It goes on to other things too.  I can surround myself with friends all weekend with the need to vent but I just cannot do it.  I hate the feeling of weakness and having to resolve to others in order to help ease my internal or external feelings.  If I need help with a recipe (in the unheard of case that I cook) I will do whatever I can to figure it out so I DON'T have to call my mom or ask anyone else.

What is even more alarming is that I could have someone highly encouraging me to ask them if I need help and I still wont ask them for help.  I just can't do it.  I can't risk the admittance that I can't do it by myself. 

What is even more ironic is the phrase that I use the most at work is, "if you need help, just let me know."  I want to help other people.  I want to be the person someone goes to for a lending ear and to steer someone clear of whatever internal demons they have but I can't do it for myself for some reason.

3 comments:

The Steph said...

It's amazing how deep and introspective spending hours trying to get your car unstuck in snow on your own can make you. No shame there - I do the same thing in my parking lot at my apartment - refuse to look for help and just try to get out on my own.

Orbitron19 said...

The sad thing is that The Steph wrote that email at 3:30 in the morning after pulling herself out of a snowbank....

The Steph said...

I actually don't think I wrote it at 3:30 a.m.! I don't know why it says that!