Somebody said they saw me
Swinging the world by the tail
Bouncing over a white cloud
Killing the blues
-Hog texts me with this,
"I have an opportunity to attend the Packers game this weekend. Should I go?"
Granted that I hate the Packers and I usually can't stand their fans I would never, ever pass up an opportunity to see a game in January in Lambeau. It would definitely be a weird clash between fantasy and penance but the tailgating would be worth it alone.
In fact I've I was talking to someone about my best Lambeau scenario.
It would involve the Packers playing the Vikings in late December or January in Lambeau. I would be in some sort of metal outfit in that I would be underneath an inch of steel and wearing my vikings gear. I would essentially be Robocop but instead of fighting crime in Detroit I would be a total and complete dick to the Packer fans.
Boof in his Robocop outfit: Hey Packer fans, how many people does it take to turn around the civil rights movement? Hold on lemme count ONE, TWO, THREE!*
Hey Packer fans, Brett Favre has won just as many Superbowls as Doug Williams, an African American quarterback!*
Hey Packer fans, Do you all poop in your deer hunting bibs or does Green Bay always smell like this?
I thought you guys knew how to make brats? Looks like I gotta find good food in Chicago!
Two words: California Cheese!
And that should get them going. That way if they decide to throw stuff at me or beat the crap out of me, I'll be behind an inch of metal. The only thing is if someone decides to pee in my air hole. I would have to develop an intricate system of breathing....so that someone doesn't pee in my air hole.
*Yes, I understand that racism exists everywhere but this is to just piss off the fans while wearing my robocop outfit.
-I just picked up the Robert Plant and Alison Krause cd and it's probably one of the best albums I've heard in years. I didn't think Plant could have anything near the voice for such a project but he sings very nicely.
I didn't think the two of them would be able to collaborate either but 'Please Read the Letter' and 'Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson' are really good songs
-I just bought a 2.5 pound bag of gummy bears and I blame everyone but me.