Followed your love till it never really was at all
Feeling stupid and hollow
Now the moon's gonna' follow me home
This may come as a bit of a surprise to, well, probably nobody but I attended a wedding this weekend and yet, I didn't come on here to bitch about it. I certainly have said my peace about weddings in the past and there's nothing in the world that irritates me more than traditional weddings.
The weddings I've been to in the past have involved a distant cousin, or acquaintances, or even friends and I've never liked any of their weddings. I even skipped a good friends wedding because I didn't want to put up with anything. I passed up the opportunity to be in a wedding back in my Marshall days and I even ditched a coworkers wedding reception because I was just not feeling 'Friends in Low Places'.
I simply hate weddings.
This particular wedding last weekend was a bit different though. This wedding was something I actually looked forward to attending.
At some point during the reception someone walked over to me and said,
"Hey Tom, you used to have a crush on D (the bride) didn't you?"
Boof: haha yeah, I sure did.
Looking back on things, "crush" doesn't seem to totally cover things, "obsessed" seems a bit more accurate.
The whole subject had always been embarrassing to me given the variables: She was 16 and I was 19, she was my good friend's cousin in a very tight knit family, and she was one of two girls in the entire family of hardcore Italians. Needless to say I had flashes of The Godfather going through my mind. I really couldn't help it though-I just loved talking to her and hanging out with her and was completely smitten.
I specifically remember a New Years party at my friends house when me and D just simply talked the whole night. It was probably the first real connection I ever had and I was oblivious to anything else going on. I just wanted to hear her talk and see her smile. She could've asked me to stick my finger in a socket and I would certainly do it and with a smile. After the party I had to go back to Marshall and I didn't have any way I could contact her but I certainly thought about her all the time.
One day during that hellish semester of school I got a random email from D. Somehow, someway she found my email address. I read the email and was immediately on cloud 9. I don't even think I had any sleep that night (like I said, this whole topic is very embarrassing to me).
When I came home from college we went out a couple times but I was never quite comfortable with things nor did I really know what to do but we still kept in touch which I fed off of. I could never quite get the point that things were not going to pan out but I was simply stuck in my own obsession. I can easily say that a couple of those years D was the person I thought of most.
I eventually moved on (which certainly seemed like a momentous occasion in itself) and we've kept in touch and have remained good friends ever since. For some reason I think she knew somehow that I was struggling through this "obsession" and instead of avoiding me, she kept approaching me and was not afraid to talk. Because of that past I do feel somewhat of a deeper friendship with her than most people.
When I found out she was getting married I circled the date on my calendar and I was not going to miss it despite my hatred for weddings. I knew she was marrying a really good guy and she clearly was in love. I wouldn't have missed it for anything.
During the reception, It was very interesting how out-of-touch I was about her. A lot of my info about D was dating back about 6-10 years ago and I learned that she actually likes country and is not as into Bon Jovi as she once was.
It's also interesting how the memories come back during the first dance. The 19 year old in me was crushed, the 28 year old in me couldn't have been happier for her.