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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

House Mulling

Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain.

After doing take 13 of house hunting this last weekend I think I have identified the particular house that I would like to buy.

This house:
-has 3 bedrooms; one of which has a great window looking south overlooking my potential property and the moon would be shining in my room in which I could achieve my dream of masturbating in the moonlight.
-a dry basement which does not smell like mold. That's a biggie for me.
-A sweet ass 3 season porch
-a nice and spacious garage
-A location that I love
-central air
-and I get that giddy feeling whenever I enter.

Therefore I have turned the cogs in my head and have been thinking nonstop about this place. I can envision myself waking up and making myself coffee in the morning even though I don't drink coffee. I can see myself plopping down on some sweet sofa and watching HDTV in my "movie room" with surround sound. Then there's the sight of me mowing my lawn in a greasy wife beater with a cigar hanging out of my mouth while I grin to the word "poop".

I have indeed been thinking about this place a lot. I then started investigating the cost associated with the property and the bills that I would have to pay. I asked my mortgage company for a good faith estimate for the place and I immediately started tallying up the monthly costs.

I started out with a smile and as I started thinking of my monthly bills the smile slowly turned into a frown. Then I took my monthly potential earnings and computed it in the best case scenario (claiming 2 and reducing 401k to 3%)

As it turns out I would need about X amount for the monthly payments
my monthly income would be x + $300

Which would mean that I would have $300 to eat, for oil changes, to play video games at the arcade, to buy needless strawberry shakes at DQ, and for all my jojo potatoes. In other words I would have $10 a day a month for spending money.
(gulp)

It's kinda do-able...isn't it?

Keep in mind I would need a ton of money for furniture and the annoying little nickel and dime things that I would need to purchase.

The thought gives me an automatic headache. The other night I had a headache so bad that I thought I was going to go blind. I never even fretted over a woman anywhere close to this.

I know I could easily find a roommate to ease some of these financial concerns but that always gives me 2nd thoughts because it's really hard to find a good roommate. Also if I was to get a house I probably wouldn't sleep in the bedroom but on the roof holding a double barreled shotgun just in case. Therefore a roommate in my own place would indeed be hard for me to trust.

I also know that all my figures have been worst-case-scenario figures in that bills will probably be no more expensive than what I figure. So I struggle to think objectively on this but I think I could do this but just when I start calming down I get those worst case scenarios in my head again.

Like me hanging outside my house in my shorts watching my house burn down....ugh or me washing clothes and then coming down to the basement completely filled with water. The last scenario is probably way too far fetched but I think I had a childhood nightmare about such a thing.

I dunno I guess I'll keep mulling it over.

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