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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Did Jesus Really Retire?

I’m the independent thief
no one’s got a number on me
everybody’s talking while you save this crowd
they water down the drinks and the band plays too loud

I really can't tell if I'm in some sort of nightmare or if I hit my head really hard and I'm in a coma right now. The reason is because every sports website has

image

courtesy of espn

And then there's this from cnn,

image

It's simply hard for me to fathom this kind of attention for a very good quarterback. Legend? There are two quarterbacks playing right now who I firmly believe are better than Favre (Brady, Peyton Manning).

That's only two examples because I've heard rumors of ESPN's Sportscenter starting out with 45 minutes of Favre talk. I understand if a newscast give homage to a really good quarterback (like Favre) and they show a simple clip of 5 great touchdowns and his grizzled smile but this is insane. Experts are saying how Favre was the greatest quarterback ever without argument, Chris Berman is nearly crying on the air, and people are saying how 'football has taken a step back' because Brett announced his retirement. Underneath each feature picture is about 7 stories on Favre, top ten lists, and fans saluting an american flag while eating apple pie while wearing their #4 green and yellow.

OH

MY

GOD!

Really, lets compose ourselves a little bit here. I heard that a local television station went into some Wisconsin bars (in the middle of the day on a Tuesday for crissakes) and there were actually grown men crying (no exaggeration)! You'd think the guy just died while sacrificing himself on a grenade to save the entire state of Wisconsin and all the national sportswriters. You would think that the NFL is going to permanently retire the number 4 so no one will wear it again. To top things all off, I have been invited to a Brett Favre retirement party--no shit!

Okay let me back up a bit. I do agree that Favre is a very good quarterback--not great--but really good. I will also be the first person to admit that a quarterback playing 275 straight games is a downright unbelievably bad-ass stat. The guy deserves to be in the 'man law hall of fame' just for that stat alone. As a counter to all that I do believe the guy has cost a lot of games for the Packers with all of his idiotic interceptions. The guy threw 6 interceptions in a playoff game for the love of god.

I do think everyone gushes over this guy.... WAY TOO MUCH. Every damn game we hear the same asinine comments,
He's a gunslinger
Look, he's like a little kid
He makes things happen
.

And then my personal favorite,
"look at how the lights glisten off his helmet." I don't think Joe Buck was serious when he said it but that has been wildly debated in my own head as to whether he meant it or not. I think he did simply because he's Joe Buck.

I have seen a couple different shrines to--not the green and yellow--but Favre and it's a little disturbing to say the least. I mean I loved Kirby Puckett (and he's won more championships than Favre) but I never had a shrine to the guy. I just read his crappy book and collected a couple baseball cards.

My point is this, I think Favre is overrated. Yes he won A (singular, one, uno, only one is one) superbowl, and he's won 3 MVP's, and he's the record holder in touchdowns thrown. He's also the record holder for most interceptions which tells me he's simply played forever and thrown a shit load of passes. I mean Pete Rose has the record for hits but those last 5 years when he was playing he was basically wrote himself in the lineup just so he would break the record (and win a couple bets perhaps).

I remember when he played the Vikings in the playoffs a couple years ago. He was on the Vikings 20 yard line when he decided to start running the ball. He runs, narrowly avoiding the awful Viking linebackers, crosses the line of scrimmage, runs three more yards, and tosses the ball underhand in the endzone for a pseudo touchdown. Crowd cheers and vikings fans were shaking their head because it was an obvious penalty (and a dumbass one by Favre for that matter).

Illegal forward pass, 5 yard penalty and loss of down, fouth down.

You'd think the guy would get some criticism for killing such a vital drive and reducing the Packers to a field goal attempt. Oh no, the announcers gave the "playing like a little kid" statement and collectively started sucking each other's dick over that Illegal underhand pass. I think I remember one announcer saying something like "If that was legal, that would've been one hell of a pass."
That is exactly what I'm talking about!

I feel like Frank Grimes complaining about Homer Simpson! I just can't believe how everyone treats this guy like the Michael Jordan of Football. It makes me wonder if Brett Favre has a standing appointment with all the sportswriters for daily blowing. Like a 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours; You blow me, and I'll blow you in the form of giddyness over the air'

Favre: Alright John Madden, it's time four our daily appointment
Madden: Good, now don't be forgetting the taint this time. I was a little disappointed yesterday. My taint needs attention too, god dammit.

I just hope everyone gets it out of their system and the Packers go back to oober sucking for the next 2 decades so all the Packer annoying fans go back to what they were doing in the 70's, 80's, and early 90's.

I seriously hope I'm in a coma.

2 comments:

The Steph said...

Don't buy today's Stribe...or if you do...don't look at the front cover of the sports sections, your eyeballs may burn.

Danielle said...

I'm not sure how accurate this stat is but it's what I read yesterday:
1.7 TD's per game, 1.1 interceptions per game...