You don't like the sound of the truth
Coming from my mouth
You say that I like the proof
Baby that might be so
-After a week of incessant number crunching, wondering, and hardcore thinking I have decided that I just can't afford to buy a house at this moment in time. Last week I identified a house that I wanted and I immediately started analyzing the numbers. I was clearly torn between my ambitious side and my sensible side--just a couple of the many voices and personas within the head of Boof.
My ambitious side pretty much dons a Hawaiian shirt with flip flops and a stupid grin and he was pumping his fists telling me to
"DO IT! You will have a most excellent pad for crazy sexy parties and for when you run into Sara Evans/Diablo Cody. You can set up your own Home Alone traps around the house and lets not forget--lets NOT FORGET--your very own loft area...and I know how much you like the crazy idea of hanging out in lofts."
"Yeah, I really do like lofts." I'll actually say to myself as I peruse the Cub Foods frozen food section.My sensible side wears the nerdy sweater vest and has a pair of Ben Franklin glasses along with an adding machine.
This side was laying down the facts,
"okay, okay, okay so you plan on buying this house using your saving which is fine. Then you plan on having a roommate to which I know you don't exactly feel comfortable about and which you'll never been motivated on pursuing until it's too late. And then you plan on doing this with $300 spending money per month?
ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?! Forget about vacations, forget about concerts or sporting events without any form of guilt. Basically this house is going to be your jail with $10 per diem a day."
"But....it would be a jail with a loft! It's got a loft!" I say, now in the checkout counter. "I could have a really sweet, comfy ottoman and design rooms with my own crazy weird style! I could make things for the house!"
"nope, not right now. Keep saving." says my sensible side.
So I'm going to wait a bit and save some money. After all, the housing market is supposed to be shit for another year and at the moment I'm in a decent situation with cheap rent and roommates that I can withstand and am comfortable with. Also after crunching the numbers it seems very apparent that it's going to be really tough to own a house by myself unless I can find enough money to put 20% down...or find some wealthy bitch. I mean everyone who buys a place usually is in a relationship or in a situation where they know they're not going anywhere in the next 5 years. I know I will probably stay put here but I simply like the option of going elsewhere if an opportunity comes up. I also like having money in the bank to support some sort of whim or in the case that Brett Favre comes down to Earth and hands me a pamphlet titled 'Boof's direction in life'
Not to mention I'm just getting burnt out in the whole situation. I'm sick of talking to realtors and mortgage people and having them continuously gauge me for how interested I am in a particular property.
-Conversation with a security guard
Boof: So who do you think the lead off guy will be for the Twins?
G: I think it's Gomez because right now the guy has 4 of the 5 tools and boy, does he have them. If he would mature he would be one hell of a nice leadoff guy. (the great conversation continues for another 20 minutes as we talk blissful, deep baseball)
G: What do you think of Obama?
Boof: I don't really know. I am worried about his lack of leadership but I generally like his stance.
G: yeah, I just don't like his religion though. I mean with Bush...
At this point I'm starting to cringe
G: ...I feel like he's a better moral person than anyone running in this election.
Boof wincing in pain over the dumbass comment
G: I mean I voted for Bush twice before and I would certainly do it twice again.
Boof on the floor and in convulsions: So, uh who do you think is going to be the 2nd basemen?
G: Because we need a guy in office whose not going to allow immoral things like gay marriage and stem cell research.
Boof: alright, I gotta go. Bye