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Sunday, March 09, 2008

One Crap

She was number nine ninety nine
On the clicker list
And I fell in love with the dirty little bitch

Crap List

This Woman

When this story happened it was all over the local news. The woman seemed more than accessible to lend her story with the Star Tribune having a video feature on her and the television stations all basically feeding her grapes and fanning her head. She even called in to the KQ Morning show to try to find this guy that "threw her in the highway".

I think all men secretly knew she was lying because of a couple things.

A: She had 5 kids. I know when I read that story the first thing that threw me out in the street (zing!) was not the 'being thrown in the highway' or even the smashing of the cell phone. Nope, when I heard she had 5 kids I knew she had to be kinda fucked in the head. I mean she made a U-turn on the free way. Not even women do that (no offense to the women but most of you suck at driving. When I see a woman on a cell phone with kids in the back I pray that the vehicle doesn't simply explode).

Someone told me once that whenever a woman has a kid you take away 10% of her sanity. So theoretically she was only about 50% sane to begin with. Add to the fact that she was on meds and you pretty much have Keith Moon, driving a car.

B: If she was thrown into the highway wouldn't there be any witnesses? Wouldn't there be one guy that would admit that he nearly ran her ass over? Since it's in rush hour traffic, wouldn't it literally stop half of the highway with people 30 cars back wondering what the hell is going on up there?

Then this news comes out and guys everywhere were all nodding with grins. Somewhere this guy is completely creeped out and, if he's smart, will continue to lay low because this woman will go completely sue crazy on him. Also when I heard the latest story I'm surprised the guy didn't at least pistol whip her because that was a stupid fucking thing to do. I mean if I were in that truck I probably wouldn't have even got out of my vehicle to bitch about it because of fear of meeting people like her. If I were that wrapped up in my own rage then I would walk to her car and say,

"You know merging, from the median, with the 18 wheelers and maniac drivers out in full force, during rush's probably not a good idea." And then if she came screaming back at me I would've gotten the hell out of there. I'm thinking of the crazy cat lady now.

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