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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Politician Affiars

So lock up your daughter
Lock up your wife
Lock up your back door
And run for your life


When I heard that former Governor Eliot Spitzer paid a for a hooker I really didn't think anything was wrong with that.  I do think that it would/should be news if the following had occurred:
1.  The hooker was ugly or an upside down man (otherwise known as Sarah Jessica Parker).
2.  The hooker was a guy
3.  Animals were involved
4.  He used government money
5.  He had a fifteensome

Other than that I don't believe it's news.  As it turns out the hooker was pretty hot and the guy had needs.  I don't know anything about how he was as a governor but I don't think it matters.  I assume that all politicians cheat on their wives/husbands.  Whenever I see a politician and their perfect looking spouse I assume that both have nooners with their secretaries every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.

I believe this is the make up of a political family because I don't think one can survive in politics being single and one marries the other more for the political power and the upgrade in with their affiliation in their political party.  If said couple has a kid, then that secures potential conservative votes and gives them more cover to go and cheat on everyone. 

Not that EVERY political couple is like this but I believe at least half fit this description.

See, politics reminds me of when I was in the National Broadcasting Society when I was a freshman in college.  The NBS was a national student club to gain insight and recognition for anything in broadcasting.  If you ask me it was an organization where you shell out too much money in order to gain access to network with a bunch of other mediocre news "talents".

But I participated and tried to fit in.  I went to the upper midwest convention in Milwaukee with my chapter and sat through boring meeting after meeting.  The only reason I went was to see the sights and sounds of Milwaukee (the promise land).  Me and some other guys skipped the boring crap and went to the stadiums around Milwaukee and we even got to run the bases in County Stadium! 

The whole program was centered around the keynote speaker who was the backup weekend anchor in Madison or something stupid like that.  When the guy entered the room all these girls with brand new suits flocked to the guy and flirted their asses off.  It got to the point where I wanted to meander in and say, "Ladies, I run the sound board at WABC in New York, hehe"  and see how much ass I could get that night.  The thing is, everyone was doing this.  Everyone was kissing his ass and every other mediocre person who showed up with a "CBS Sports" cap.  I came away from that conference assuming they were just sex fests.

I would assume that is about how political conventions are as well. I'm thinking it's a lot like Lester Burnham and his wife (in American Beauty--Steph you wouldn't know) when they head to that realtor convention.  Lester and his wife eventually split off and do something (or someone) more interesting than being together.  Therefore, I assume all politicians cheat on their spouse. 

As for prostitution, I really don't find anything wrong with it.  It seems like an honest transaction:  Man needs sex, is willing to pay for sex:  woman needs money and is hot, woman is willing to have sex with strangers for money.  No fuss, no muss.  In fact, they should seriously legalize it.  That way the girls are taken care of, taxes would be paid, and it would be a cleaner and more organized occupation.  It's going to happen anyway.

In fact, that's the second thing on my platform for 2008, legalize prostitution right after making fast food breakfast an all day thing. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dairy Queen Cakes for all!