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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

My Gameplan to Eating


Everytime the snow drifts
Every way the sand shifts
Even when the night lifts she's always there


I know it's been about a month and I haven't posted a damn thing about the Twins yet but there's nothing really to write about.  The hitting sucks and the pitching is like watching a dog take a poop.  That being said, I kinda figured this year would be a crappy year but it's fun to watch players like Carlos Gomez--and please don't ever say "go, go, Gomez" in front of me because I will beat the ever living Christ out of you.  God damn, Minnesota comes up with some dumb fucking nicknames-- and Delmon Young should also be fun to watch. 

Also Nick Blackburn and Scott Baker (if he should ever get healthy again) are somewhat fun to watch if your only other option is to slice off your left hand.  Then watching Ron Gardinhire continue to put some idiot infielder at the number 2 spot instead of Mauer is kinda funny in a sad-joke type of way.  Then Nick Punto, oh how I wish I was Nick Punto because Ron Gardenhire has this crush on him despite him being one of the worst hitters in history.  In fact H and I figured they should rename the Mendoza line the Punto line.  It sounds just a bit better.

I was a bit intrigued about a promotion the Twins have going on May dubbed "all you can eat event".  I honestly couldn't give a damn about the game but the thought of double fisting dome dogs is very intriguing.  I could put on my State Fair gear (sweat pants, bib, and crappy t-shirt with holes) and bring my own ketchup bottle and simply 'go to town'.  The point, of course, to eat my money's worth of food. 

The event costs $33 and they seat you in the seats at the dome where no one ever sits.  The game could have 40,000 people there and these sections will still not have a sole sitting in them.  They're playing the Rangers so it's probably not even worth watching the game when you have 5 dome dogs in front of you so I'm not worried about that.  Now if they have the same food that they charge for, a dome dog and a regular pop is nearly $10 so I would just need about 3 of those to get my money's worth.  I'm definitely not going to get any pretzels because they fill you up and that's just stupid eating planning right there.

I know I can eat 4 hot dogs because I've already reached that plateau before.  I think it was some game in 2002 when I went to the dome on dollar dog night.  I ate 3 hot dogs before the 5th inning when I also happened to be sitting in the Hormel hot dog 'row of fame' and I was on jumbotron with a frown trying to think of a way to eat a 4th hot dog. 

I'm also a bit skeptical on the promotion because knowing the Twins, they'll find a way to wuss their way around it.  Like instead of a wheel barrel full of dome dogs I can see then having a tray of lil smokies on a dish with little buns where you can only take two.  I also imagine that the pop will be served in little dixie cups where you pretty much take a shot of coke and that's it.  I've thought of having rotating fireman lines to keep circulating food throughout the sections or perhaps using conveyor belts of some sort to maximize the eating potential.

I just hope the bathroom is located by these seats. 

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