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Tuesday, April 22, 2008


I swear I can see you
Coming up the drive
And there ain't nothing like regret
To remind you you're alive

Sorry for the lack of a Crap List this week. I just couldn't muster any sort of bitching for this week. I could try to find something but the heart just wouldn't be there.

For the past couple months I've been aware that my car battery is about ready to retire. Instead of playing the 'lets see how long it lasts' game I figured I would replace it before any worst case scenario happens.

It usually is the case where you have that dream job interview and you get all spiffed up and you turn the ignition when, nothing. There are very few futile feelings when you turn that key and nothing is happening. You feel defeated, deflated, and you wish you would've had the foresight to changed that stupid battery when you were too busy throwing rocks at street signs.

So I figured I would save myself of any sort of worst case scenario like the one described above. Or the scenario where I meet Sara Evans at Best Buy and she wants to meet me at Anal Point in one hour. Having a dead battery at that point would break my heart and it gives my johnson a deflating feeling (complete with sound effects) just thinking about such a scenario.

So I went over to Sam's Club and had my battery replaced. I had to wait about 2 hours for the technicians to get to my car but it eventually was complete. When I turned on my car I started singing the first few notes of "La Isla Bonita" but I it was just me, and not Madonna singing. My radio was stuck in "Loc" mode which killed my Madonna moment. The theft lock deal engaged and now all I needed to do was remember the code that I entered.

Sometime in the past...over two years ago...probably after 14 hours of working

I was so worried about someone stealing my factory Delco stereo I decided I would "protect" it by inserting some crazy code. After careful consideration I landed on X since no one would ever guess X to be a code. I entered the code with a sinister laugh and threw my fist to the sky.

Last Sunday

Boof: FAAACK, what the hell was that code?

I tried to enter the mindset of Boof from 2005 but pfff who the hell knows how many Mountain Dews and pixie sticks I had that day. I tried every 4-digit code I would've used.


I tried googling theft lock and all I got was outdated info. I called up a buddy and he referred me to a blasted dealer which I wasn't happy with. I left a message and turned to my other options.

I went to dealer #2 and as it turns out they'll give me the override code for free just that the two guys that do that stuff wont be in until Wednesday. I then got a call back from douchebag dealer number 1 and they quoted me a price of $49.95 for the code.

A code. A fucking over ride code. A code that requires a couple phone calls. For fifty fucking dollars! God, I hate dealers.

So I had to wait until Wednesday in order to have any sort of audio entertainment in my car. For the next couple days I would have to 'enjoy the silence' being in my car. Let me tell you right now that not having a radio thoroughly sucks and it can drive a person completely crazy. Driving in silence during the day is almost bearable but night, wow, at night really sucks to drive in silence.

It's like after a minute you start to think that there's something wrong and then you look at the passenger seat and actually start to feel a bit uncomfortable even being alone. Then you hum to yourself and get even more freaked out.

Take me for example, when I was coming home this morning at 3am.

2 minutes after turning the ignition: hmmmmm, hm, huuuum, hm-hm-hm-hm-hmmmmmmmmmmmmmrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmm

4 minutes: baaaaah bap, baap, BAAAP, BAP, SHOO WAP-DE-WAP. BAAAP-BAAAP-BAAAP-BAAAP

6 minutes: Punt, shunt, glunt, zunt, front, dunt, crunt, blunt, funt, bunt, clunt, yount....*thinks* Molitor?, Catfish Hunter....

10 Minutes: Bernie Brewer, Crunch, Bluntch?

And it goes on and on.

UPDATE 3:36AM: I CRACKED THE CODE!!!!!!! Driving home from work I thought to myself, "what about 64?" and I thought about it, and thought about it, and then I burped, and then thought about it some more. I knew I was about one bad code short of screwing the whole thing up (if you insert 8 bad codes the car goes into super crackdown mode and wont let you use any codes for a day or something). With trembling hands I entered 0064, enter and I saw which was weird since I've never seen that before. I then slowly nudged the power button and, viola the radio worked! If it wern't 3:30am I'd go buy some champaign and celebrate but for right now I'm going to bed.


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