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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Marriage for Getting Laid

But we're never gonna survive, unless...
We get a little crazy


I watched one of the funniest movies I have ever seen the other day.  Walk Hard: The Story of Dewey Cox is right up there with Harold and Kumar in hysterical, my-side-constantly-hurts laughing.  I started the movie thinking it was going to be the stupidest thing ever but after a couple jokes and finding out that Jenna Fischer was the main actress, I was simply hooked.

There was one part of the movie that had me thinking.  The scene was when Jenna Fischer (or "pam" as I like to call her) was laying in Dewey's bunk and she was talking about all their sexual tension and how she yearns for a man's touch.  A man's touch simply being a penis being in her vagina.  The thing is they can't have sex because they're not married and only until they're married is the day they can do sex.  Of course Dewey was already married and that never stopped him from marrying Pam but that's besides the point.

If I were Dewey, and Pam was telling me about her need for a man's touch, and all that marraige stuff, I'd seriously consider marriage.

I mean take my conscience for example.  I have the classic Devil Boof on one shoulder and the Angel Boof on the other. 

Angel Boof:  Well aint that a pisser.  She want's to get married and she wont even let you give her a breast exam.  Move on now.

Devil Boof:  MARRY HER ASS....RIGHT NOW.  FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY (AND UNHOLY) MARRY HER SO SHE CAN HAVE THAT MAN'S TOUCH.  OH MY GOD!  Well, if you need me, I'm going to go hump that napkin holder.  MARRY HER GOD DAMN IT.

Of course I wouldn't be thinking of all there is that marriage brings with the commitment, the nagging, and hosting the dinner parties.  I just want to get laid by Pam!  I mean how could any guy resist that ass?  On behalf of guys everywhere, that's just plain evil!

It makes me wonder how many people married just because they wanted to have sex.  Think of all the families, children, and horrible lives that have resulted from one impulsive thought of wanting sex.  I mean I understand people who want to wait for "the one" simply for fear of disease or pregnancy or herpes or something but I find it alarming that marriage could be used at the crutch just to lure someone in.  Wouldn't you know who "the one" is before you marry them? 

I read about a young couple in Woodbury who were waiting until their wedding day just to kiss.  The young couple were seniors in high school and I found this completely bizarre.  Why would they wait to kiss?  What would they do when they want to get close?  What if they got married and one was a horrible kisser?  If someone told me on a date that she was refusing to kiss until marriage I would walk out right there because I don't have time for that complete nonsense. 


Aliecat said...

My cousin (a mormon) married a guy she dated for 6 months and was divorced six months later. Pretty sure that marriage was just for the sex.

Barry Metropolis said...

Boof--no shit, but that couple in Woodbury? The bride is my cousin. So I witnessed the first kiss.

I thought it was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard of.