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Monday, August 04, 2008

Not Even a Rubber Arm

And I know anyday, anyday,
I will see you smile.
Any way, any way,
only for a little while.

This last weekend I continued my 2008 experiment by buying scalped tickets for this last weekend's Twins games.  Saturday I strolled onto scalpers corner with the non realistic hopes of hounding the scalpers for a great $20 ticket.  The last two games I bought scalped tickets I twisted the despirate scalpers arm until he accepted my twenty dollar offer.  It's hard to refuse when someone wants to actually pay money for a single ticket 5 minutes before the first pitch.

Last Saturday it was a little tougher.  It seemed like everyone and their mom was at the game, and the were.  There was an estimate crowd of about 42k at Saturday's game.  I had to settle for a $30 diamond view ticket which wasn't too bad considering I got laughed at by like 3 scalpers.  They were offering tickets at face value!! 

Like I'm going to buy a single for $60.  pfff

Sunday I was planning on doing the same.  I was going to the game with Steph and we didn't have any plan for where we were going to sit.  I figure we would either try the scalper routine or simply buy cheap seats.  So I went to the gas station to use the cash machine.  As I walked out I hear,

"Hey man, you going to the game?"
Boof: uh, yeah.  you know it!
Stranger:  I got some tickets if you want them.
Boof: uh yeah I'll take them.  Sure.

I approached the guy thinking that he was going to sell them to me--I was in my scalper mode.  I walked up and the guy simply handed me an envelope and said, "enjoy".  Inside were three tickets to the days!

I looked up where the seats were.  I was thinking they were the neck straining tickets along the third and first baselines but they were actually in right field next to that garage.  Our tickets were facing the pitchers mound!

That third ticket though, what to do, what to do.  I figured I was going to scalp it since I wanted to try.  I figured if I could get something for it, I could have good dome dog money!  I ventured out to scalpers corner with the hopes of selling one ticket.

I wandered, I advertised and no one was interested.  Finally I had one guy that asked, "You got a single?"
Boof: yeah I got this
Guy:  I'll give you five bucks for it.
boof:  nah, sorry, it's for ten.
Guy:  alright good luck.

I started walking away when I hear, "ten bucks?  alright, alright.  Ten bucks"

I just netted myself ten bucks for the game!  I could possibly do this for a living... if more people would give me free tickets.

Liriano pitched alright but I'm not a very good pitching scout.  In fact I probably can't pitch over 60mph.  I know I can throw an 8lb bowling ball 30mph but I've never had a good arm for pitching. 

I remember this one time at the Minnesota State Fair they had this mlb sponsored area where they had batting cages, cut outs of various players, and an area where they had you pitch and see how fast you can throw.  I waited in line behind all these short 8 year olds.  They were giving their best Roger Clemons impression and hitting 50 on the gun.  This kid in front of me put everything into his pitch and hit 60. 

Next was my turn and the kids looked up and me in silence as they were waiting for this 6ft tall confident man getting ready to show these kids how what pitching is to the "big boys".  Again, I'm not a pitcher but I was confident I would hit in the 70's since that would be a very slow change up in the majors. 

All the kids were like, "woah, lets see how fast he can pitch!" as they all took steps back.

I rolled up my sleeves, loosened my neck, and spit out the crap in my mouth.  I took a step back and put as much as I could into this first pitch. 


The kids looked at me like, "woah, this guy sucks...A lot!" but I just told the kids that I wasn't even trying even though I was--that was my "fastball".  So I composed myself and actually thought I would put more of a concerted effort into pitch number two.  I took a deep breath, put all my weight on my back foot, and threw the ball as hard as I possibly could.  I nearly threw my arm out on this second pitch.


The kids were like "woah, Billy out threw that guy!"  and it was true.  Lil' Billy did in fact beat me at a pitching.  Actually now that I think about it, the kid was probably 8 in a half or probably 8 and three quarters. 

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