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Sunday, August 17, 2008

Summer Games Crap

Run, you can run,
tell my friend-boy, Willie Brown.
And I'm staying at the crossroads,
believe I'm sinking down.


Crap List

1.  The Summer Games

I absolutely love *love* international competition.  Simply put, I feel we get a great idea on who is the best in the planetat their respective sport.  I've always wanted to compete in something and represent my country for something like the Olympics and it would be a thrill go just be there.  In fact one of my dreams is to simply hang out around the Olympic Village during the Winter Games just to see if I can get me some Olympic ass.  If I was lucky enough to compete I can only imagine standing on that podium and having God Bless America (I like that as an anthem better than the Star Spangled Banner) would be enough to make me cry like a little bitch.

With that being said, what I'm about to say will probably get myself hated, knocked out, and crucified by the crazy swimming fans out there.  I'm just going to come right out and say it, the Summer Games are fucking boring as all god damn hell.  There is really only one event that I will watch for more than 4 minutes with that being the marathon and that is only because I get to see a lot of Beijing in HD.  Other than that the other events are really, really boring.

I didn't know who Michael Phelps was a week ago and I still don't give a rats ass now.  I don't care if he won 20 gold medals at the Olympics, I just don't care about swimming at all.  This may be shocking but I wouldn't even watch if Phelps happened to be in my backyard swimming.  Instead I would probably be in the pool with the arm floaty things telling him to quit splashing and to find his own damn pool.  I understand he's a great athlete and he was close on some of the races and yadda yadda yadda but I don't care.  Watching swimming is worse than watching Nascar.  There are many ultra marathon racers out there who do everything and they are also great athletes.   

I think my biggest problem with the summer games is that I don't identify with any of the events.  I've never been a fan of track and field, never even owned that nintendo game with the pad.  I don't care about the javelin or the ball toss (whatever it's called), nor does watching someone lift a lot of weight really do anything for me.  Gymnastics makes me think of all the pedophiles who are watching and baseball and soccer are not even that good.

Also I'm kinda pissed that this is the last year Baseball is going to be an Olympic sport.  By the way, have you heard what the extra inning rules are for Olympic baseball?  In the 11th inning each teams at-bat begins with runners at 1st and 2nd with a hitter of whomever the manager chooses.  Every inning after starts out that way until the tie is broken.  I shit you not.  They somehow found a way to cheapen baseball for the last year it's held as an Olympic event.

If you haven't found out already I'm very bitter over the Summer Games.  I think it's because I have a deep love for the Winter Games and I'm sick of the media and everyone shitting on the Winter Games for the events that no one understands.  For every time Curling is questioned I will counter with Equestrian because if equestrian is an event then having wiener dogs catch Frisbees should be in there too.  For every time the biathlon is questioned I will counter with handball, whatever the hell handball is.  I was watching handball the other day and it's like basketball and soccer's "oops baby" that never should've happened. For every time the skeleton is brought up, I will counter with ping pong.  I know they call it table tennis but defecating is still the same as taking a dump.  

Then I'll briefly go over "the birdsnest" which looks like Paul Bunyan's bedpan.  Why and how someone could design something so ugly is completely beyond me. 

The summer games would be so much better if they had rugby, true baseball, and lacrosse to name a few.  I just wish it was over so I don't have to listen about some news anchor going nuts over the new ping pong champion. 

pfew, I feel so much better now.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's it? that's all for another weeK?

Boof said...

you'll read what I write and like it. Whenever it is.