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Monday, December 22, 2008

Tranny (no, not that kind of tranny) Crap

When this worlds closing in
There's no need to pretend
Set me free - darling rescue me

 

Crap List

1.  Stranded (nearly)

I made my yearly pilgrimage to the Mall of America on Saturday in my attempt to find gifts for my family.  Usually I just wander around the Mall hoping I stumble upon something that someone in my family will like.  Unfortunately these wandering events end up taking a couple hours and we were in the midst of about 4-5 inches of snow and damn cold temperatures right behind it.

After my successful pilgrimage I headed out to my car and warmed it up for about 15 minutes because I was A) lazy and B) cold.  Naturally I put the car in reverse when I start to have some troubles.  Car was moving but very slightly.  Eventually I back out of my spot and shift to drive when nothing happens.  I then get the 'deer-in-headlights/oh-shit' look on my face because this is very much a transmission-type problem complete with scary icon light on my dashboard.  I sit in my car for another 10 minutes cursing and saying "bah-humbug" when I try it again.  Just like Marty McFly when he head butts the wheel, my car started to move swiftly through the snow.

After a night of trying to figure out how I'm going to find $3000 in funds for a new transmission I woke up the next morning to find that my car simply wont move which was making my wallet cry.  I called my dad to hear his advice and he wisely told me to check the transmission fluid.  I kinda rolled my eyes when he said this because I just had my transmission fluid flushed about a week in a half ago....

A week in a half ago
desk douche:  Hey Tom, we noticed that your transmission fluid was very, very dark and your air filter needs cleaning.  Do you want us to fix all these problems for you and rape----er do you the favor of not having to worry about all this stuff?
Boof examining the guy with a steely eye:  I actually have a K&N air filter on there which is good for the lifetime of the vehicle.  There should've been a sticker that explained this...
desk douche:  Oh, uh well, we didn't know

(this is a tell tale sign that they're giving you BS.  Everyone knows that K&N air filters are legit and this is a ploy these stupid lube places try to bring on you.)

desk douche:  What about the tranny fluid?  We can give you a transmission flush right now...
Boof:  Ah, hmmm...
desk douche:  ...it's really, really dark.
Boof:  alright might as well.  Fuck it.  God damn you are pushy bastards!

 

Anyway I top my car with tranny fluid and it works like new.  The scary icon light even turned off which makes my mouth water knowing the ass chewing I'm going to give that desk douche tomorrow.

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