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Sunday, June 29, 2008

Perceived Weather Crap

Oh my sparrow it's too late
Your body limp beneath my feet

 

Crap List

1. People's perception of bad weather

I was reading up on the NBA draft this year because I didn't happen to have a gun or a noose handy and I stopped on a couple mock drafts.  Most analysts were predicting the Wolves to end up with O.J. Mayo with the third pick which is a great pick.  The con in the scenario was that he might move out of town once his contract is up because of the awful weather.  I read that in multiple mock drafts and articles.  I even started hearing that on the radio and how Minnesota will be unable to attract big name free agents simply because of the "awful weather".

I was a bit puzzled because 1) basketball is played indoors and 2) these players make so much that they could easily fly down to Miami whenever they want.  Also I started wondering because we've really have only had one questionable "Minnesota winter" in the last 5 years. 

I also make it a point to listen to the Twins on the radio.  I just love picturing the game in my head and I also don't have a TV at work so it's what I'm reduced to.  I also make it a point to listen to the Twins opponent radio station because I like the different frame of reference and the Twins announcers suck ass.  Nearly every announcing crew has made a comment on how outdoor baseball in Minnesota is crazy despite the fact that it was outside for twenty years before the dome.  

Before I go on about actual Minnesota weather I want to examine what outsiders might think of Minnesota in terms of weather.  After all, it's important to know that sports fans rarely ever see anything outdoors here on TV other than the few golf tournaments we host.  The Twins, Gophers, and Vikings all play indoors.  The other sports are naturally indoors anyway so I'm wondering with all these outdoor sports being played indoors, people must think we have rain, snow, sleet, wind, blood, hell on earth-type of weather every hour, on the hour, all year long. 

Here's what I think people picture Minnesota in general

-A vast baron wasteland where people live in igloos and fish on top of iced over lakes for their daily ration of food.  People don't really talk other than reciting their Norweigian small talk.  It could be July 25 and this image of igloos and ice still fall into place.  The Mississippi separates the network of igloos on the east from the igloos on the west otherwise known as the Twin Cities.  The Mississippi also has giant ice bergs with polar bears and penguins floating down the river as the wind whistles over the land.

Basically I think the world south of Minnesota views Minnesota as the arctic circle and that it may get up to 35 degrees in the summertime.  I bet some people actually get scared thinking about what it would be like living in Minnesota. 

I asked my roommate who grew up in Boston and she pretty much agreed with my Arctic circle reference.  She even said that this last winter was unbearable to her. 

I replied by rubbing my two fingers together like a small violinist and called her a ginourmous wussy.  I think that's what it comes down to:  how much a person can take.  Here in Minnesota we've all went through that crazy patch in the mid 90's when we did experience a 70 below wind chill for those couple days.  We can walk outside in 30 degree weather and it's actually warm out sometimes.  We do go through very humid weather and spring seasons which don't really start until May. 

I think everyone else is just way too used to San Diego-like weather where its 80's and sunny and nothing ever changes.  That, to me sounds nice but where is the change?  Where's the perspective?  What would I do without spring, fall, or winter?

I remember traveling to Houston during New Years and joggers, joggers were in tights and long sleeve T's in 60 degree weather while I was walking around in shorts and a T-shirt.  I even ran the Get-in-Gear 10k in shorts while it was about 32 degrees and if I was to wear sweats, it would've been too hot. 

Here's my point,  bad weather for the rest of the country is simply a rainy day.  Bad weather in Minnesota is 30mph winds, snow, temperatures 15 degrees below or above the normal high and all that along with normal, average Minnesota drivers on the road. 

I remember walking around in April when it was 30 degrees, clear sky, and not a breath of wind.  Most people would say it's too cold for baseball but those people are wussies who should probably not live in Minnesota.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

A Broken Ankle-crap?

He blew his mind out in a car
He didn't notice that the lights had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared


Crap List

1.  Neko Case out with a broken ankle.

This last weekend the local public station held an outdoor concert/festival deal at the Walker Arts Center.  From what I hear out of the hundreds of people that were there, only about 8 of them have ever been in a genuine fist fight beyond the age of 16.  Apparently you could probably steal a beer from any mid-twenties looking dude and walk away because they would retaliate with, "Hey man, UGH.  Come on.  It's Summit.  Aww gee whiz".  Actually that's what I would probably do too since I kinda fit that crowd.

Anyway the band list was Andrew Bird, Cloud Cult, some other guy who probably sings on the beach trying to impress chicks, and The New Pornographers.  The New Pornographers are the big name of the festival and I'm a big fan of one of their 13 singers, Neko Case.  If I was going to attend this show it would be just to see Neko Case because I love her alternative country style.  Tickets for this festival were going for as much as $200 a ticket to which I wouldn't pay over $20 therefore I didn't attend.  Not to mention I'm not a big fan of The New Pornographers because the music sounds too damn nerdy and it wouldn't be a good Neko fix.

If I was to attend that show though, I would've been very disappointed because Neko didn't show up.  She didn't have a cold, she wasn't in labor, nor was there a death in the family.  The reason why she didn't show up was because her ankle was broken.

(blink:blink)

She can't sing because she has a broken ankle. 

I'm not a singer myself but if Stevie Wonder can sing being blind and Mozart can do his thing being deaf and if Dewey Cox can do his thing without the sense of smell then I would sure as shit hope Neko could find a stool at the local bar and bring that on stage so she can do her thing.  I know she'd probably rather stand and do the bob-and-clap but that's not a good reason to skip out on some gigs because of a stupid broken ankle.  I know there are 12 other singers and probably 6 more waiting in the wings but Neko Case is kind of a big deal and her voice does make a difference. 

Like Herb Brooks would say, "What a candyass"  a broken ankle is a hell of a long way from the heart.  Whatever though, I didn't see the show anyway so what do I care.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

NBA Crap

I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps

Crap List

 

1.  The NBA and officiating

I used to be a genuine fan of the NBA.  I used to pay attention to who gets traded, draft, and I even went to a game in the Metrodome back in the day when the T-wolves played there.  Since 2004 I haven't had any kind of desire to watch a regular season NBA game in large part due to the officiating.

I remember shooting hoops with Hog one time and we were making jokes like,
-I wonder if the NBA is going to make the Finals a best of 9 series if (name your big market team) lose the deciding game of the series.
-Maybe the NBA will award the (big market team) 10 points in the 4th quarter for previous years missed calls.
-I bet the (big market team) couldn't travel if they simply carried the ball like a running back the entire game.

And big name columnists would allude to the same type of stuff.  It's almost a bit of a joke sometimes in how desperate the NBA is for ratings and the showtime factor.  It almost seems strange that in the last 25 years nearly every Finals had a big market team featured.  A couple years ago they had Miami against Dallas and it would seem fitting that there would be an NBA exec somewhere saying, "No way we let this happen ever again". 

I actually don't know if this "big market love" the NBA has is true but it does seem a bit strange.  In 2004 when I watched the T-wolves religiously, there was always a couple calls that completely bewildered me--not surprised me-- and I questioned said call but completely dazed as to how the ref could miss such a call.  I mean in baseball when there's a bad ump it would take a series of horrible calls and inconsistency in order for me to act bewildered.  In football I get bewildered about once every forth Vikings game. 

The NBA just seems so phony.  NCAA basketball doesn't seem to have that hint of someone pulling the strings from up above.  NCAA always has those Cinderella teams that will beat your Kentucky, Kansas, Arizona, and Notre Dame teams.  The NBA just doesn't have that feeling of legitimacy. 

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

LA Part III: Petco Park, San Diego

I'd like to be
under the sea
In an octopus' garden with you

 

For my "job interview" weekend on Saturday I decided to rent a car and drive down to San Diego.  LA allowed me to live my Big Lebowski dreams and now San Diego could whet my Anchorman fantasies so I had a series of Anchorman quotes in my head.

Before I left I had to make one very important stop.

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The oh so famous In-N-Out burger.  I've heard so much about this glorious place and I just had to sit down and see what all the fuss was about.

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I was there at 11:30am on a Saturday and it was packed like crazy.  In this picture here you can see that there's so many people that they throw out the order window and simply have a dude with a clipboard.  The car that this guy is at is car number 15.  It was crazy.

Inside there were a bunch of people huddled next to the front counter.  The line leading to the counter was about 10 people deep.  When I finally came up to the counter I ordered a double double (the other options were a hamburger and cheeseburger).  I had to take my number and wait.  The wait took 20 minutes and that's with about a dozen people feverishly making burgers in the back.  People were ordering 6, 10, 15 burgers at a time. 

When I finally got my order I tried the fries, pretty decent.  I then tried the burger which was okay at best.  I was a bit dissapointed with all the folklore I heard about the In-N-Out burger and I don't think it's anything to brag about.  I would say that Culvers is way better, I would even venture to say that a Wendy's burger is better.  My roommate told me about some secret menu but I really don't think any "secret menu" would change my mind about this joint.

After I stuffed my face I hopped in my car ('08 Dodge Avenger...it was okay but I wouldn't buy one) for my trip to San Diego.  On the way there I was giving off Anchorman quotes with a smile on my face.  I was super happy to finally go to San Diego. 

It was only a couple weeks ago when I was looking into plane tickets to San Diego to see a Twins/Padres game.  Plane tickets were $500+ and I wasn't going to spend that kind of money so I swallowed my pride.  The reason I really wanted to go to San Diego is because Tony Gwynn was my favorite baseball player growing up and I grew a bit attached to the Padres.  The Padres also have a new ballpark, Petco Park, which is supposed to be one of the best ballparks in the country. 

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When I arrived in SD I walked around the Gaslamp district which has really new high-end restaurants and lots of high class clubs.  I was walking around everywhere to find a burger to eat but I had to walk a good 6 blocks away just to find a high-end burger joint.  Even at 4pm the gaslamp district had a certain hum to it.  The restaurants were beginning to crowd up and you could tell that there was a game to be played later in the day. 

Come game time I grabbed my ticket and asked for the best ticket in the place since the tickets were very cheap (about as cheap as Twins games maybe cheaper).  It was also cap day so I got a bitchin cap with my entrance to the game.

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This isn't where my ticket was (it was over to the right a couple sections) but when I entered I took photos like crazy.  Petco Park indeed has an aura to it and just about everything about it is top-notch.  All the sight-lines are great, the amenities are impressive, and all the little things add up.

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It became evident that when entering Petco Park you don't just enter a ballpark but actually a section of the city.  This is the public baseball diamond just beyond left field of Petco.  This is actually open to the public whenever a Padres game isn't about to start.  They even have those cool dirt paths that extend from the mound to home plate!

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Beyond the public diamond is a grassy area for fans to picnic and watch the game on this big screen.  Fans can buy a $5 ticket and simply make a nice evening out of the game.  Kids can then either play a game on the diamond or play in the huge sandbox just beyond the right field fence.  I absolutely love idea and sure enough this lawn was packed when the game started.

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Then they have this sweet statue of Mr. Gwynn himself.  Behind him are new condos and I think that's a gym to Gwynn's back.  I didn't look into what these condos are going for but I'm willing to bet that I can't afford one.

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There's nothing that they overlooked in Petco.  One thing that sticks out is there there's so much space even during a game.  You don't feel confined to the ballpark.

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The usher's were not nazi's either.  They practically encouraged me to roam around and take whatever picture I want where ever I want. 

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Also, and get this, the seats actually face the pitchers mound!  I don't know if you can tell that easily from this picture but these seats are actually slanted towards the infield.

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Of course the concourses are all open and the bathroom doors are nearly facing the game.  Like you could walk out and--boom-- there's the game.

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They had tons of plants everywhere you go and I don't think I saw one ugly or questionable part of Petco Park.  At one point I was talking to one of the ushers and he was telling me all about the ballpark.  I asked him how the ballpark has affected the downtown scene in SD and told me that the downtown scene is simply because of the ballpark.  From what he said there was not much of a downtown scene before Petco and it makes sense because that Gaslamp district does appear very new. 

I know I'm very biased when it comes to ballparks but this new Twins ballpark should put a shot of adrenalyne to the Minneapolis scene.  It might not be the effect of Petco but there has to be added residual effects to the Minneapolis downtown scene from the new Twins ballpark.  That alone will generate more tax money and add to the Minneapolis experience.DSC01667

To the left you can see an old brick building.  This is the Western Metal Supply building.  It was deemed a local landmark and could not be demolished even for Petco Park so they used it as part of their ballpark. 

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This is from inside the Metal Supply building.  It's actually pretty cool since it's so open.  I didn't get a chance to go on the upper floors but it's definitely a nice touch for the ballpark experience. 

Not to far from here is a beer stand.  The beer vendor yelled at me, "Hey, Twins fan!  Come here a sec"  I was wearing my Twins cap and I walked over.  The guy was from Richfield and we were chatting along.

Guy:  Oh hey, you might like this.  Check it out.
And he stepped aside and showed me this cooler full of Leinenkugal Sunset Wheat.  I was actually really surprised that Leinie's is way out in SD but it was a pleasant surprise. 

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As for the game, the Mets were in town (no, Santana wasn't pitching) and there were a ton of Met fans there.  There was nearly a heckling match between all the met fans and Padre fans.

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Padres won in extra innings and I was very sad to leave the ballpark.  I did hear that there were a bunch of mega hotties in the Gaslamp district and it was phenomenal people watching but I had to pass.  I had to go back to Los Angeles and catch my 8am flight. 

Petco Park was damn near incredible.  The pictures I showed you just scratches the surface of all the features it has.  Everything is in HD at Petco and the scoreboard is very well organized.  Also they give very good and detailed stats at the game--something that you'll never find at Metrodome. 

I do hope to someday head back to Petco because it was such a great experience.  It was probably the best ballpark I've been to that didn't have any novelty value.  I highly recommend this place. 

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

LA Part 2: Dodger's Stadium

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round

 

DSC01587

After that "job nonsense" that I had to deal with I was dropped off at my hotel for my weekend of baseball goodness.  I suppose a lot of other people would prefer to walk around Hollywood or head over to Disneyland but anywhere you go in LA takes forever to get to and it's always crowded.  Not to mention that two of my main goals of my trip were to: 1) eat a dodger dog and 2) see a dodger's game in no particular order.

I headed on the 110 and 70 minutes later through rush hour traffic I managed to make it to the main entrance of Chavez Ravine (aka: dodgers stadium+parking lot).  Chavez Ravine is interesting because the gates to park open two hours before gametime, so you can't park your car, do something else, and then come back when the doors to the park open.  There's a long landing strip of pavement where you wait until they let you into the parking area.  You have to sit by your car and wait until they start taking your parking money.  It's a lot like waiting for the drive-in movie theatre to start allowing cars in.  As sit there and listen to the radio there are vendors walking around selling merchandise, kids are out and about playing catch, and fans are chit-chatting around until you hear the chains of the main gates unlock and everyone hurriedly runs to their cars. 

Parking costs $15 and there's really no alternative other than car pooling.  I don't even know if it's possible to have a cab drop you off since there's such a huge flow of people entering the park.  Parking is also very simple because you simply follow the car in front of you and a series of helpful workers tell you where to park your car.

DSC01583

The ballpark is surrounded by vast spaces for parking.  It's funny because the last spots are right behind center field so you can always get a good idea on how crowded the game is going to be.  I don't think you can tailgate since there were no bins anywhere but I think people find a way to get around that. 

I entered Dodger stadium after I bought a medium priced ticket behind home plate and saw this,

DSC01588

As you can tell, the day was really crappy.  I don't know how many updates the place had had since the 60's when it opened but I don't know if it really needed any.  It was a pretty nice place to watch a baseball game. 

I was stuck on the level that I was at since the Dodger Stadium ushers are nazis but the concourse was open and a bit small but not bad for a park built in the 60's.  I also noticed that the Japanese media was going crazy over a couple Sumo wrestlers down on the field.

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That is the Japanese media right there.  Each wreastler would pose and play catch or pretend to swing a bat and you could tell that every cameraman was struggling to find some space to take a picture. 

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Apparently about nine of the world's top 20 sumo wrestlers were there including the number one ranked dude.  They treated him like royalty practically.

Of course after seeing this nonsense I made a B-line for the hot dog stand.

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This is the dodger dog that was I drooling over.  This is widely considered the best hot dog in the major leagues and was probably more excited about this than the ballpark (if you can imagine that).  At first I was a little hesistant seeing as a dodger dog was $5 but they were a bit bigger than a normal weenie hot dog.  When I took a bite I really analyzed every pig scrap that my taste buds could recognize.  At first it didn't seem like much but--oh wait, there's a subtle hint of spice which really makes the entire dog somewhat pleasant to eat.  After devouring the dodger dog I found myself longing for another one during the middle of the game.  After all, they had a beefier dodger dog which was really peaking my curiosity.

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The Dodgers were playing the Cubs for which there were a lot of Cubs fan around.  I was curious to see what LA fans were like.  There's always been the notion that LA fans arrive fashionably late and leave fashionably early.  It's like they only stick around to see innings 4-6 and then beat the traffic.  Beating the traffic isn't such a bad idea and I'm a firm believer in staying for the duration of the game.  The arrive late/leave early rumor wasn't true for the night I went.  Everyone seemed to stick aroudn until the end but that could've been the complete game shutout gem by Hiroki Kuroda.  Also their games start at 7:30pst which means that the 8th inning is generally starting at the ten o'clock hour so I'm sure people need to make sure they get to work.

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And then a nuclear bomb went off!!! 
This is just me playing with my camera after the game.  Dodgers won 3-0 and it was a pretty good game.  I stayed as long as I could in the ballpark and once I ventured outside it became crystal clear why people leave early.  Since there's only two ways to enter Chavez Ravine there's only two ways to leave and 50,000 people leaving at the same time leads to long delays. 

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I think it was about 90 minutes for me to wait until the coast was clear to leave Chavez Ravine.  There is this wonderful view of Los Angeles from the parking lot which looks amazing on a perfect night.

All in all Dodger's stadium was a pretty nice venue.  For being a ballpark built in the 60's it was fairly impressive.  I would definitely attend another game if I should ever be offered a job in LA again.

Tomorrow I will review the wonderful Petco Park in San Diego

Monday, June 09, 2008

LA Trip Part 1: Brass Tax

See how they run like pigs from a gun
see how they fly
I'm crying

 

This last weekend I had my "job interview" in Los Angeles.  The company that wants to hire me is a company I've been working in cooperation with for the past 6 years or so where I'm at now.  They seem like a nice company to work for and I don't have any problems with them. If I did then I probably wouldn't work with them.  The main representative from this company (S) is a salesman who decided to offer me a job.

S:  Would you be interested in working for someone else?
Boof:  Sure, why not.
S:  Well would you be interested in working for me?
Boof:  I don't know.  Where would I work, what would I do, how much would I get paid?
S:  Well, if I flew you down to LA and showed you the place then would that help you make a decision?
Boof:  Sure, if you pay for everything I'll check you guys out.

I figured that since I like airports and I would be getting a free trip out of this then why would I turn it down? 

S gave me a good indication on what this job was going to entail and some basic guidelines of the job.  From this brief description and what I know about Los Angeles I determined that I was not going to take this job.  I didn't tell S this but I just wanted the free trip and would milk this for as much as I can.  After all, maybe I could get some more stuff out of this?

As it turns out S let me have the couple days and the entire weekend to check out LA so "I could get a better idea of LA" if I decided to move there.  As far as I was concerned this was nothing more than the type of spiel where you have to sit and listen to a presentation of timeshares and then an hour later you get free tickets to Universal Studios.  I just have to listen to the spiel and then I would take a rental car and watch some glorious baseball.  I kept thinking to myself, 'Now if I could only get a company in Boston to be interested in me then I could check out Fenway!' because if someone flew me out to their city for a custodial job then I would totally act interested if it meant them flying me out and paying for my room.  Why the hell would I not exercise that option?

Day one was going to be in Laguna Nuguel or "Laguna Beach" as everyone knows it as.  S and I had dinner at some sort of beautiful joint off of the beach and it certainly seemed like he was "selling" the area to me.  He seemed to have his car salesmen face on and I was just acting the part of a curious potential employer.

S:  Would you mind if my step-daughter joins us in a couple minutes?
Boof:  nah, that's fine with me.

So I was thinking to myself, 'I would bet ten thousand dollars that his step-daughter is hotter than hell.'

S:  Oh here she is, HI B, OVER HERE.

B was about 5'9 shoulder length blond hair, beautiful facial features, slender, wearing those tight jeans that showed off her amazing ass.  I was ready to award myself ten thousand dollars. 

B was there as 'someone who came to LA from the Twin Cities' and she was going to tell me how much of a transition it was for her.  She's also a saleswoman from the same company her step-dad, S, works at.  Even though I wasn't interested in the job I was trying like mad not to oogle the hell out of her and I even secretly questioned if she was really a step daughter of S.  It wouldn't be completely out of the question for S to find some hottie in LA to pose as his step daughter/saleswoman of his company to lure me into this gig. 

After all, it's not hard to find an attractive female in LA.  I think being ugly is illegal in Los Angeles.  In fact, I would say that any woman between the ages of 18-35 would be bangable.  I would probably take the odds in banging any random 18-35 year old in LA--like you could put all those names in a hat and I would bang the name that is drawn.  That's how hot everyone is. 

B told me about how the transition was to her.  Of course she was 100% positive about the experience telling me it was "the best thing she's done" and "my friends now are so much better" which made me frown.  I asked her about her commute and she responded with,

B:  It's only about 40 minutes which is great.

I nearly fell out of my chair.  80 minutes a day when gas prices are about $4.50/gal! 

So I was talking it up with S and hottie B for awhile when we finally got up to leave.  The NBA finals was about to start soon and S wanted to watch.  So B left first when me and S decided that we were going in the wrong direction to leave the restaurant.  We followed about 40 feet behind B and I was mesmerized with that ass slowly moving right-side up, left side-up, right side up as she casually started chatting away on her phone.  She moved in slow motion as I was studying the fine aspects of her ass.  I then felt a tug to my shoulder,

S:  Hey-hey, We're going this way Tom.  We parked over here. 

Haha, whoops.  Yeah, if she really is in fact a step daughter who works for the company then I'm going to get in serious oogling trouble or worse, get too flirtatious. 

S then dropped me off at the hotel at about 5:30 and I had the rest of the night to myself in Laguna Beach.  I checked out my sweet room.

DSC01570 Everywhere in my room had this type of fluffy towel work.  Even the toilet paper had this crazy fold on there which I found kinda funny.  My room even had a cool whirlpool deal along with a wide screen tv which could be angled toward the whirlpool.  It was the sweetest free hotel room I've ever been in.

After all my playing I ventured out to Laguna Beach to see the sights and the sounds...and to get my oogling grove on. 

DSC01562 As you can see, it was awesome weather.  This is off a portion of Laguna Beach.

DSC01566 This how much gas costs in Laguna Beach.  This was also before the huge increase (gas in the Twin Cities is now over $4 a gallon, this was before that).  The flowers almost make it tolerable right?  Oh Diesel was about $5.10/gal.

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The trees in So. Cal were really cool in how different they were.  I don't know what kind of trees they are but I like them. 

Day 2

For Friday I had to wake up early so that S could pick me up and we'd head over to the shop to check out what the working environment was all about and talk to some of the workers.  The workers were nice and everyone at the place seemed cool.  S seemed to act like some sort of bumbling, laughing fool as we were there.  He was talking to a couple of the dock workers and they had a look on their face like, "You've never talked to me before, why are you doing this now?  Who is that bald guy?".

After a couple hours of having to listen to their spiel I was nearly on the verge of falling asleep.  I simply just wanted to go back to the hotel so I could take a nap, forget about this job nonsense, and watch some baseball.  Sure enough, we got out of there at 11:30am.  I spent a total of about 2 hours at the warehouse!  On the ride back to my hotel he started talking about brass tax in terms of the job.  The job would have the same vacation that I have now, same health and dental, it would be on days (of course) but with travel (uh oh), and I would be paid about $5000 more than what I get now for salaried time. 

I nearly chuckled because the cost of living in LA compared to the Twin Cities is noticeably different.  Gas is a dollar higher, food is also noticeably higher, and it seems to take at least 35 minutes to go anywhere in LA.  Also $5000 of salaried pay is not even close enough to pry me away from the Twin Cities.  Also, I remember B and S telling me how the weather is beautiful all year 'round which is not a selling point for me.  I actually enjoy 4 distinct seasons. 

I turned down the job outright which I could've done on Thursday but I wanted to milk a trip out of it.  It was a nice trip in that I was actually looking for a plane ticket to San Diego not to long ago and now I had a discounted trip.

Some quick bits about LA:
-The freeways are always packed but everyone merges flawlessly without much of any anger.  The zipper method was a thing of beauty and although the freeways were packed, they seemed to move at a decent pace.  I guess there wouldn't be room for any bad drivers because the aggressive ones would simply run them off.
-Flying over LA and the Twin Cities it became perfectly clear that LA doesn't have the tree cover that the Twin Cities have.  The suburbs of LA are clearly seen and you can see every house on the block.  In the Twin Cities it's a bit tough to make out a city block because there is so much green over the houses and buildings.
- The time difference is really weird. I kept getting really tired at 9pm and it was hard to fathom a baseball game being played at 4pm on a weekday.  All the baseball games I attended were the last games of the day. 

Tomorrow I will have my pictorial of Dodger Stadium and Wednesday Petco Park in San Diego.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Boof in LA

See them tumbling down
Pledging their love to the ground
Lonely but free I'll be found
Drifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds.

 

They say Los Ang-ales is the city of angels...

It's somewhat true because remember the "cool people" in high school?  Well, everyone here is in that category.  I think it's illegal to be fat or ugly or to have small boobs. 

That's right, I'm in Los Angeles at the moment and to avoid the crazy traffic I decided to jot down a couple things about LA.  Technically I'm here for a job interview but I already knew coming in that I didn't want the job because I don't think I could stand LA.  After being here for about 36 hours, I think that's a pretty accurate notion.  The weather, women, and beaches are great but there's no way in hell I would come to move here.

I didn't tell the potential employer that though.  I think I may have said something like, "I dunno, LA might be a great place to live.  I'm excited about the opportunity!" to the potential employer knowing full well that I came here for the free vacation.  I made up stories about how much I make, how what a great opportunity this could be, and I was bragging about my ideas for their company in how to improve (which I made up on the fly).  More or less I whored myself out for this vacation. 

This morning the Potential employer (PO) gave me the stats on the job in terms of pay.  For me to even consider coming out here it would take about...$100k and full benefits.  I know that's a hell of a lot but it would honestly take a hell of a lot to pry me away from Minnesota or the upper midwest and head over to LA.  What he offered was $5,000 more than what I make at my current job, salary (which sucks being an hourly guy), and the same vacation benefits.

I nearly laughed in his face and I certainly didn't feel like much of a whore anymore. 

Did you know that a 2 bedroom mediocre apartment in LA is about $1700?  What kind of a stupid fucker does the dude take me for?

Anyway I'm only here to eat at an In 'N Out burger, see some baseball (Dodgers and Padres), eat a dodger dog, and live out my Big Lebowski dreams.  I'll have plenty of pictures and and probably a sun burnt head.

Update:  The In 'N Out Burger was okay but Culver's is better.  They should change their name from Culver's to "Doggystyle Diner" or "sex burger".

Monday, June 02, 2008

Sex and the City Crap

Time cast a spell on you
But you won't forget me

 

Crap List

-Sex and the City the Movie

So I played a really horrifying round of golf on Sunday.  I scored two tens (one on a par 3) and I managed not to kill anyone or destroy anything.  I would've felt better had I scored five shots better and dented the hell out of a biff but... oh well.  I came home and plopped myself on the couch wanting any other (non-golfing) excuse to get out of the house. 

Anything at all.

Female roommate stands by the door where I'm watching TV and looks at me with a grin,
"Whatcha doin?"
Boof: I'm watching the Twins and sulking.
B:  Wanna do something?
Boof: yeah, I'm up for anything.  I wanna just get out of here.
B:  Wanna go see Sex And The City?
Boof:  Fuck no, I wouldn't see it with your eyes
B:  I'll pay
Boof:  No
B:  I'll pay and buy popcorn.
Boof thinks:  ahhhh no
B:  I'll pay, buy popcorn, and buy you a soda (she's from the East)
Boof thinks:  ehhhhh, maybe

I figured since I wasn't paying and I was really hungry then I could maybe justify going to the ultimate chick flick of chick flicks.  It was something to do, it was something I was curious about (how ugly can Sarah Jessica Parker be?), and it would be an experience.  It would be like my own National Geographic study in which I study how and why women like such crap.

After all, I have seen Glitter... just for the train wreak mentality though.  I have seen Mean Girls too and that was like There's something about seeing a super bad film that makes me feel better.  I mean I wasn't stupid enough to write or direct such crap so that makes me feel good! 

There was, however, the slim possibility that I might enjoy such a film.  I mean maybe it was well written and maybe I could actually feel with the characters.  I haven't seen a full episode of Sex and the City so perhaps I'm missing something.  I did have horrible expectations for Transformers and I really wanted to hate that movie but I didn't.  Maybe, just maybe SATC would surprise me.

We went to the theatre and I complained the entire time we waited in line to buy tickets.  She bought the pop and popcorn and we entered the theatre.  90% women were in the audience and it was actually  kinda scary.  I was wondering if the 10% of guys in the place were gay or enjoyed the show or maybe they were dragged out there.  Maybe I was the only sane male in the theatre.  Maybe the movie gives a "hate all men" theme and all the women come over to me and kick me in the balls.  Maybe Sarah Jessica Parker's nose comes out of the screen and stabs me between the eyes like in Terminator 2. 

The movie was downright horrific.  The movie should've been called "Whiny Women in the City" because they were all nuts.  All the men in the movie were either gay, porn models like in the soap commercials, or they act like pussies.  It was unbelievable. 

This movie was the epitome of chick flicks because it contained every-single-chick-flicky-thing that only women understand.

Chick Flicky things in the SATC movie:

  • a group of women gathering around and squealing
  • All dogs were the size of footballs
  • A giant, ridiculously sized wedding
  • Valentines day
  • A newborn infant
  • A pregnant woman
  • Everyone (including some guys) wearing high heels
  • a montage featuring Sarah Jessica Ugly trying on different dresses
  • music that was incredibly gay or something that women enjoy
  • A fashion show (for crying out loud)
  • giddiness over handbags

And a whole lot of irrational drama seeking women.  I haven't even gotten into the actual plot yet.

Imagine Rocky spending months training for his big bout and then suddenly he says, "Heya I just wanna go screw around with Adrian, ya know?" and stops training altogether.  They screw and Pauly ends up continuing to make fun of Adrian.  Nothing changes.  The End

With all the ugly, old, and lesbian looking woman there was actually one hot looking character.  Kristen Davis was the only thing that kept me from throwing up and crying at the same time...and in the movie she took a dump in her pants (I'd still tap that btw, diarrhea and all). 

One subplot has to do with Miranda (the lesbian looking one) married and with kids.  Her husband is frustrated because she's not giving it up (for over 6 months) and she doesn't keep herself groomed.  Guy ends up cheating on her and she turns heartbroken.  I'm not backing with the guy but... he gave all the signs.  He begged, pleated for poon and she wouldn't give it to him. 

Then the main plot has to deal with SJP and how she yearns for a wedding and to get married to a millionaire who has already divorced twice and is very weary of another marriage.  Ugly knows this and decides to make their wedding into a super human steroid ultra million dollar 200 guest affair.  What guy wouldn't be scared of that?  Not to mention the bridal party were 25 minutes late for the wedding anyway which drives me nuts. 

This movie was downright horrible.  I honestly felt a little nauseous walking back to the car.  The whining, the bitching, the jokes that I didn't understand at all, and the squealing-I can't take anymore girl group squealing.

All I can say is that this movie was pure hell and the big screen makes Sarah Jessica Parker's nose look like something out of a Godzilla movie.  I can now say that I've seen the ultimate chick flick and now every movie I see from now on will be better because I saw this movie.  I didn't gain any perspective on women and I'm still a bit bewildered by the experience.