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Monday, January 26, 2009

Gym Crap

Like to tell you 'bout my baby, you know she comes around,
Just 'bout five feet four a-from her head to the ground.

Crap List


1.  The old people at the gym

Maybe it's due to the fact that I'm the youngest person in the gym at 11am on a weekday or maybe it's because old people need something to do so they head over to the gym.  Either way the gym needs some sort of a cap because too many old people is a very bad thing.  Maybe a cap of only one person over 90, 2 over 80, and 4 over 70 at any one given time because they're only going to hurt themselves or someone else.

Take the track for example, there's always the one elderly man with a horrible limp walking and meandering down the center of the track.  Whenever I run by I have to do this crazy James Bond move in order to sneak ahead of them.  Then if them walking down the center is bad enough, they throw their arm out as if they're acting like some sort of gate keeper to the open track in front of them.  I did almost run over a small old woman one time when I came running around the corner and she stepped right in front of me.

I think this must be a old person thing because I remember trying to pass an elderly woman on the highway one time.  She was going about 30 mph as she was merging onto the highway from the onramp while other cars screamed by her.  I was the sorry ass who was going 60 when she decided to merge from the onramp and

does she look toward the road?  Nope
does she look toward any mirrors?  Nope
does she give any sort of hand signals to try and tell other drivers what she's doing?  Nope

What she did was put on her blinker and blindly steer into traffic making everyone else slow down or speed up to avoid her ignorant Buick LeSabre. 

ugh back to the gym,

So besides the slow ignorant old people on the track there's always the old people who like to pretend to lift weights.  Today I walked over to the hip sled and was amazed that there was 2-five pound weights dangling on the fabricated metal arms. 

Ten pounds.  On the hip sled.  This would actually make sense if someone weighed about...6 pounds and they wanted to try ten pounds on the hip sled but I actually know the guy who does this.  He's about 72 years old and hobbles around the gym.  He weights about 150 and probably lifts more with every step than the ten pounds he puts on the hip sled.  Not only that but the hip sled was not even pushed up all the way so whoever was using this was pumping ten whole pounds and then couldn't even push it to the top.

I remember when I was taking weight training in high school, we were figuring out our one rep max on the different weight lifting techniques.  I went to the hip sled and told the two spotters to put two-45 pound weights on per side.
Teacher:  What?  What the hell is this?
Tom:  What?
Teacher:  Guys, put another 45 on each side, come on.
Tom:  WHAT? 
Teacher:  You guys really need to start trying.

And as it turns out I did 15 reps with 270 pounds.  I kicked it in the ass so this dude should've had at least 35 pounds on either side in order to make it look like he was doing something. 

For the record I did try the hip sled with only ten pounds on there and I fake winced.  Sometimes I entertain myself at the gym.


Anonymous said...

In Iowa we belonged to an old persons raquet ball club- we were the only ones using anything. It was like our own private gym. Down side though we never could get on a raquetball court and we had to wear blindfolds in the steamroom

love you boof

Anonymous said...

Be very very careful..............
Lest you get your ass kicked by an