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Monday, January 05, 2009

Pinochle Crap

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.


Crap List

1.  Learning new games.

I'm not much of a board game/card player person.  I like the few games that I like because I understand them and I actually know some sort of strategy.  When it comes to new games, I'm about as dumb as a my dad playing Contra.  Over the break I visited my special lady friend in North Dakota and thus hung out with her family for about a week.  I've never visited a special lady friend's parents before let alone had much of a special lady friend to begin with so I really didn't know what I was up against.

I wanted to, at the very least, show that I was a competent person who only drools by accident about once a month and can say three syllable words at relative ease.  I mean, I don't want to come off as an idiot.  I would rather they wait and find out my idiocracy in time.  You see, my idiocracy is like a slow blooming flower which finally blooms after about 6 weeks.

As it turns out this family is very much into games and I tried to be as much of a sport as I could.  The first game was Yahtzee which I haven't played since I played the handheld style when I was dropping a duece during someone's house party about 6 years ago.  Even then I didn't really understand it then but I liked pressing buttons so I wasted some time.  Now I was playing with the sisters and the mother.  I know what a "yahtzee" is but other than that it takes me about two minutes to look at my paper, figure out what to cross off (and not before a bunch of head scratching), and finally I hand the cup off to the next person.

Amount of time the sisters and mom take per turn:  about 4 seconds

Amount of time Boof takes per turn:  about 3 minutes (and I usually get that wrong)

Then came the game that the family grew up on: Pinochle

I have never played pinochle before.  My gf briefly (and I mean briefly) showed me the basics of the game but it was more of a warning than a briefing.  Pinochle is one of those games that I have tried to avoid throughout most of my life in a mild protest to my dad and uncles who would sit and play cards throughout every Christmas party.  They wouldn't do anything but play 500 for about 6 hours.  No snowball fights, no catch with the football, no golf, nothing.  My dad offered to teach me 500 once but I pretty much blew him off because the only time I would ever play cards would be at these Christmas parties....

...and evidently at the gf's parents house in front of her entire family. 

Amount of time the sisters and mom take per pinochle turn:  .3 sec

Amount of time Boof takes per pinochle turn:  4 minutes

It works like this, I'm dealt all 16 cards and I look at all of them with the biggest frown I can muster.  As I frown I send out the dignified signals of "uh, hmm, uh, weeelll, I uh, I need bigger hands".  The mother meanwhile is trying her best not to tower over me and say, "Perhaps Pinochle isn't your strong suit.  Here's a ball though, perhaps you'd like to bounce it!

What was even more deflating was when the father came and helped me after many "uh's".  When the father wasn't there the mother would be like,

"okay, lay your cards down and lets see what you have." 

Somehow it felt like I was getting a diaper change strangely enough.

I finally started to kinda figure it out.  I still have a very hard time with the "10's" being a higher card than Kings but I wont have to deal with Pinochle for awhile.  That's for sure.

5 comments:

Adrienne said...

TOO FUNNY!! I wish I would have been there for the pinochle lessons!! It is a tough game - don't feel bad! I didn't know you didn't like games........ good effort!!

The Steph said...

Should have brought Uno with you...that one always rocks the house. Or Skipbo.

Eric Wormann said...

Does your special lady friend happen to be 87 years old? Because I wasn't aware anyone ineligible for Social Security plays pinochle.

Arielle said...

AHhh man i feel sooo bad.....we do get pretty intense, but its all in name of fun!!

Anonymous said...

First of all, I am amazed you have known my family for so many years and some how managed to avoid Pinochle. Second of all, I think it's a ND thing for some reason... Frank introduced it to our family and Kyle's family is also really into it... Third, there are plenty of us less than 87 year olds that play!!!