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Thursday, February 26, 2009

SSU Bits

Gonna rise up
Burning black holes in dark memories
Gonna rise up
Turning mistakes into gold


-Today I went onto the Star Tribune website which I tend to do about 3 times an hour and I found this man on the front page.  I knew that guy from somewhere and it didn't take me long to figure out where it was. 

I took one Bill Holm's classes at SSU (now southwest Minnesota State...or something) and he taught some early level literature class.  I knew he was an author himself but I didn't know he was that renown.  In fact I would actually read some of his stuff if I didn't know it would be about the prairie and life in southwest Minnesota.  No offense to SW Minnesotans but I would have to be incredibly bored to read something about the prairie.  You would have to enter me in a Russian roulette competition and only after the 4th successful round would I read a book like that.

Anyway I thought I should write a bit about him because I always respected him as a professor.  He was one of the few profs that actually cared about his students and showed a considerable amount of passion towards his teaching.  He would read various books to us and you could tell that he was having fun.  He would constantly interject commentary and quips during the book and it was always enjoyable to listen to him. 

One time he was talking to the class about how title doesn't dictate behavior.  He proved this by taking a cigarette out and smoking it in front of the class.  This was probably the norm in the 70's but in the late 90's this was a bit shocking and hilarious because he was enjoying the whole cig in front of the class.  I also remember him always talking about the character of Falstaff.  He was very funny and we often described him as Santa Claus

I can't help but to think that someone of his caliber teaching at a bigger university would probably only show up 25% of the time while his servant/TA would teach the other 75%. 

-I met up with some old coworkers from my liquor store days the other weekend.  It was really amazing how we all remembered different bits from 8 years ago.  We certainly had a bunch of characters for customers such as:

  • The bike lady:  She would show up at the liquor store on some schwinn from 1976 and buy a case of Budwieser bottles.  She then would try to balance the case from her bike and it was always funny to watch her fail. 
  • The hairy mole lady:  This lady had this hairy mole on her wrist and it looked fucking nasty.  There were these blond hairs coming from said mole and we couldn't stop looking at it from the register.  We would constantly make barfing noises and tell how the mole nearly talked to us after she left.  I know, we were really nice workers.
  • The dude that would pull up in his POS car:  He obviously had some terrible medical conditions and so we would deliver a jug of vodka and a small bottle of whiskey to his car.  He was very nice and he tipped.
  • The blatz and vodka guy:  Basically says it all, he would buy two 12's of Blatz and a jug of cheap vodka.

-It's been about a 10 days and I'm already sick of spring training.  I enjoy about one inning of spring training a year and it's always the first inning I watch just to make sure that it's really happening.  After that I find myself looking for NBA basketball...hahahah just kidding, I would never watch NBA regular season basketball.

-Speaking of books, I just raced through The Kite Runner and I've never had such a run of emotions while reading a book before.  It's excellent and it's the only time where I've had the urge to read something and at the same time not want to know what happens next.  It's heartbreaking at times and makes you want to shake your head at times at how people think.

-I remember a year ago when I was talking to someone off of  I asked them the random question of song of the year, they didn't know but asked me in return.  I answered with three songs, one of which was "Please Read the Letter" by Alison Krauss and Robert Plant.  Sure enough at the worthless Grammys (redundant) it received record of the year. 

-If I'm 97 and in a nursing home, I can think of no better way than to be body slammed by Verne Gagne.  After the age of 90, I don't really care how I die so the more extravagant, the better.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Shannon Crap

He got feet down below his knee
Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease
Come together right now over me

1.  Molly Shannon

Does anyone, anyone in the entire universe think that she's the least bit funny?  Whenever  you watch a show in which she makes a "guest appearance" do you ever say,

"Woah, Molly Shannon is on The Office, I have GOT to watch this week!"

I'll answer it for you in case you're still pondering the question--NO, no one has ever liked Molly Shannon, ever.  She sucks on her new show, she sucked on SNL along with that horrible armpit skit, and she sucked on Will and Grace.  Well, there was that one episode where she was copying everything Grace said in which I had a smirk but I did have a whoopee cushion in my hand too so that negates Molly Shannon.  Molly Shannon does nothing for TV or Movies.  She wouldn't even be funny if someone threw a pie in her face or a if a giant Monty Python foot came down from the sky and smooshed her...and that's usually funny! 

I'm thinking she probably gives some sort of a crazy mouth party because how else can she land guest roles and even star in her own TV show?  Looking at IMDB she's had 60 roles in her entire career. 

60 times someone said, "You know who I was thinking of to play that one role, that's right, Molly Shannon"  

2.  The hatred towards Nick Punto

Alright, I know he's probably lacking a lot of talent compared to the rest of the Twins roster and he certainly does not deserve $4M.  I hate how he slides into first base and I cringe whenever I can sense that there is an affair between Ron Gardenhire and Punto HOWEVER, it's not like he's Jacque Jones swinging at every inside fastball or he played short like my mom would.  I mean Punto did bat .280 last year while having a very suitable year in the field. 

In fact with the recent signing of Crede you could make a case for the Twins having the best left infield in the American league this year. 
People spend way too much time on how many homers a player hits and not on his fielding which is how I look at Punto.  For years I wish the All Star game could be what everyone secretly wants it to be:  two teams of the top 15 home run hitters in each league and try to find a position for them on the field.  Can you imagine Manny Ramirez, Carlos Lee, and Adrian Gonzalez in the same infield.  I would watch that but only for the satire of it. 

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

doing bits

Standing at the crossroads, trying to read the signs
To tell me which way I should go to find the answer,
And all the time I know,
Plant your love and let it grow.

-The writer's bloc continues as I've been hanging around the special lady friend and trying not to be a huge pig in front of her.  For Valentine's day we went and had some steak (a day where I felt proud to be a pig) and we went to the Guthrie for a god awful play.  For the record, don't ever see Happy Days even if it happens to be held in your backyard because it reminds me of high school grammar class...I probably should've paid more attention in that class.

-I've began my baseball fever '09 with me desperately trying to aquire Ken Burns' Baseball DVD collection from the library.  Surprisingly enough I hadn't seen it since it came out in '94 because I was too busy with actually watching baseball.  I caught the last ten minutes of one of the programs on the mlb channel one day and I heard an amazing version of Take Me Out to the Ball Game by (I think it was) Carly Simon.  I was looking all over for the youtube clip but apparently no one else likes it as much as me.

-I still have a job but it's very much in doubt everyday.  I'm way past the point of worrying about it since it only gives me a headache but it's interesting to say the least.  They cut down our hours to 40 and we've had a lot of our work pulled.  I haven't seen so much change on my end but days are becoming very weird with my colleagues only having 2 projects each.  Usually they juggle a load of about 5-7 at a time. 

I have to admit, it's kinda nice only working 8 hours because I have more time to be lazy now.

-In terms of the Twins, I've become more and more pumped for this season.  I've begun not to care so much about Joe Crede because...I just don't anymore.  It would be nice if they sign him but if Boras and Smith can't figure anything out, I wouldn't be surprised. 

- I just bought a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch because it was on sale.  The box also comes with a cool Lego car but I got the ugliest car out of the series. 


So if anyone wants an orange Lego "23" car, let me know because I'm willing to sell it to ya.